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What to do when your desires don't match with his.
The saying goes "Fake it till you make it," but that shouldn't apply in the bedroom. If you're not in the mood to get down, but your husband always is, it can create serious tension—and not the good kind—in your relationship.
In this instructional sex video, Psychologist, Sex Therapist and YourTango Expert Dr. Megan Fleming answers the question: I feel like my husband badgers me for sex all the time. Is it better to give in and fake it, or be honest and wait till I have that luvin' feeling again?
As Dr. Fleming points out, it sounds as if there are only two options here, but really, there are plenty of ways to solve this issue. She suggests making time in your schedule to turn yourself on, whether that requires thinking about "fantasies, remembering past sexual experiences, anticipating pleasure and how good that feels," or something else. This way, you'll be primed and ready for your husband's constant urges.
Hi, I’m Dr. Megan Fleming with Ask an Expert here to answer your sex and relationship questions. Today’s question is: I feel like my husband badgers me for sex all the time. Is it better to give in and fake it or be honest and wait until I have that loving feeling again?
I think it’s a great question, but the first thing I want you to notice is that the way that you’ve asked it - you’ve almost set it up as if there’s only 2 options here. Faking it and going along even though it’s not going to ultimately give you what you want or need, or waiting for your own desire to come. And the way in which you ask it- I get the sense that you don’t think that that’s likely to happen any time soon.
So I’m inviting you to consider that there are many ways it can look, and the first is that even when and if you’re not feeling your own sense of desire or to be receptive to receiving sexual stimulation that if you are actually in the mood to give your partner pleasure from a good place, remembering how turned on often you can get just seeing him feel pleasure and knowing that you’re the one turning him on, that that’s actually a great option for the two of you to consider. It’s also true that you’re not just sitting back waiting for your sex drive to come to you and stir you in the moment.
There are things you can actually be doing to turn yourself on. So make time and room to think about how you do turn yourself on and not just waiting for your partner. I think that fantasy and remembering past sexual experiences, anticipating the pleasure in your body and how good that feels and how alive you can feel, these are all tips to bring on that loving feeling. And to recognize that for many couples the reason that perhaps you’re not sharing more with your partner about what turns you on and what you’d like to have, is that you’ve fallen into what I call “scripted sex”. And oftentimes when it has that kind of predictability it can feel like a rut. And so it’s so important for you both to come together and realize what a huge opportunity this is for you to create the kind of sexual experiences that feel worth having. So get your thinking caps on and get creative. This is a time for adventure and play and I can’t wait to hear what comes up for you.
Connect with me at yourtango.com/experts/meganfleming.