Your new guy has met your friends, but has he met your vibrator?
By Amanda Green — Written on Mar 28, 2012
This post is sponsored by Astroglide.
Bringing up the use of lube and sex toys in a new relationship is a definite milestone—but it's one that can be nerve-wracking. What if he's scared to use a vibrator with me? What if she isn't open to experimenting with lube? Is he/she going to think I'm a freak?
"When I first started dating my boyfriend, he'd never even used lube before," says Jasmine, 24, from Hoboken, New Jersey. "He said, ‘I've never been with anyone who needed it.'" She assured him lube wasn't a sexual necessity in her case. It was about making good sex even better. Two years later, the couple has his and hers lube at their separate apartments. They've recently shopped for sex toys together, too.
For those who have a nervous partner, it can help to reinforce the idea that sex toys are not a replacement for "the real thing." YourTango Expert and sex toy aficionado Chrystal Bougon likens them to a five-course meal.
"Sex with toys is luxurious," she says. "You start off with wine and appetizers—or in this case, lube and a toy. After you savor them, your partner's the entree."
Sex toys aren't limited to foreplay, however. They can be the end-all to an orgasm... or five. They can deliver the ultimate quickie or finish off a marathon before, during or after penetration. It's all about safe experimentation with a partner you trust. And most guys assume you've had some experience with toys, so don't be afraid to bring it up.
"I'm definitely curious when I find out a woman I'm dating has sex toys," says Adam, 27, from Queens, New York. "If anything, they'll give me a better idea of what she's into. That's something I can file away for later, even if we don't use the toys together."
There's a reason the phrase "Toys before boys," hasn't caught on among sexually liberated women. (Though believe me, I'm taking credit for it, if it does!) Sex toys don't render partners obsolete. In fact, they're yet another reminder that sharing is caring.
"Savvy men appreciate that sex toys do a lot of the heavy lifting for them," says Chrystal Bougon. The same goes for lube. A good partner wants to please you, but don't be surprised if you need to ease in slowly.