How To Use Your Breakup To Create The Love You Desire

Move forward with your future by using these 7 important lessons!

By Janet Ong Zimmerman — Written on Feb 09, 2012

The time before, during and after a break is excruciating. Your mind dwells constantly on your ex, keeping you locked into feelings of sadness, despair and anger. Replaying the series of events keeps you in the past and unable to see a bright future. Break the cycle of replay by becoming aware of the moment you start thinking about your ex.

Awareness brings you to the present moment where you'll notice that you're actually okay. This is where your mind opens up to the possibility that there are lessons to be learned. Lessons that will help you love better and differently. In my experience, these 7 lessons will help you move forward with more ease. And when you're ready, they’ll help you create the future you desire.

Lesson #1: Accept "What Is"

Trying to figure out what went wrong and ruminating over the "why", "what" and "how" is futile when you're emotionally broken. What you resist, persists, so accept "what is", knowing that the answers will reveal themselves in time, when you've healed and are emotionally healthy. When the answers are revealed, you'll know what you need to do.

Lesson #2: Settle for More

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Settling for less than you deserve will bring you unfulfilling relationships. You're a fabulous person who has a great deal to offer the right partner. Surround yourself with positive and loving people. Settling for more only comes from a healthy foundation of thoughts. Build a network of supportive and healthy thoughts. Your thoughts determine your feelings which determine your behavior and the type of action you take.

Lesson #3: Love Yourself First

Seeking love, affection and approval from others keeps you from knowing and loving yourself. Love, value and respect yourself first, and you'll attract a much higher quality partner who treats you well, whose actions match his words, who can be trusted, etc. Complete yourself first by improving your own relationship challenges (i.e. speaking your voice, trusting your partner, etc.) so that when you're ready for love, you'll attract a whole partner, rather than someone who is lacking in areas that matter.

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Lesson #4: Listen to Your Heart

Over-analyzing your relationship keeps you stuck in your mind chatter which prevents you from listening to your heart. Love resides in your heart. Let your feelings and intuition guide you to love. Listen to your heart by breaking free from the confines of rational thought and connecting with your heart. Practicing meditation helps you get in touch with your intuition and connect with your heart. Click here for your 1-page resource sheet on meditation.

Lesson #5: Get Clear and Stay Focused

Spend your time and energy focusing on what you want by getting clear on your must-haves in a partner and relationship. Don't get side-tracked by one-night stands, the wrong men and unhealthy relationships. Only date men who have the qualities you desire. This sends a clear message to the universe so that when the time is right, the man you deserve and desire will show up.

Lesson #6: Keep the Faith

Instead of losing hope after a break up, realize that the best things in life often come from life's difficult lessons. Believe that the pain you've experienced, and may still be experiencing, is in your best interest and will lead to something good. The true meaning of life is experienced through love. To miss love is to miss life. Be bold, be courageous and have faith that all is well.

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Lesson #7: You Have the Power

As the common denominator in all of your relationships, you're the reason you've attracted the types of men and relationships you've had. Take responsibility by reflecting on the ways you've contributed to the demise of your relationships. Uncover the unhealthy qualities you tend to attract repeatedly in men and determine the healthy traits you want moving forward. Then do the inner work to transform yourself and watch true and lasting love come your way.

Bonus Lesson #8 is travel lightly. Bringing your baggage of skepticism and fear into your love life makes the next person pay for the mistakes and failures of your past relationship. Treat each individual and relationship with fresh eyes and an open mind and heart.

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