Two relationship experts discuss the pros and cons of staying in touch with a past love.
Should you be friends with your ex? It's an age old question, but the answer isn't always so clear. On the one hand, your brain thinks it's an awful idea. On the other hand, your heart doesn't want to completely cut this person out of your life just yet. So what do you do?
In this video, bestselling authors Charles J. Orlando and Lisa Steadman duke it out over whether or not you should remain friends with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. While Charles says it depends on how the relationship was forged and how it was ended, Lisa says that if there are kids involved, it's OK to stay friendly. Otherwise, there's no reason to ever stay in touch with a past love.
See what else they have to say by watching the video above!
Tell us: Do you think you should be friends with an ex?
Lisa Steadman: Hi I’m Lisa Steadman.
Charles J. Orlando: I’m Charles J. Orlando. The question before us is: should you be friends with your ex? And my view is, it depends.
Lisa Steadman: Hmm. That’s progressive.
Charles J. Orlando: Well, it really does depend. So you have children, you have an established relationship. It depends on how the relationship was forged and then how it ended. So if it was built on mutual respect and then people kind of parted ways, that’s a different story. However most of the time, relationships don't end that way. All things end badly, otherwise they wouldn’t end.
Lisa Steadman: Exactly and this is the challenge here because maybe you thought it ended well. Maybe she didn’t. So being friends, one of you is going to feel really good in that scenario, the other one is going to feel like crap and be watching you move on if you’re the person who moves on first, and being like “That bastard, oh my God!” and then to your face be like “Hi!” and there’s like so much nego-energy that they’re going to pick up on. Now I do agree if you have kids, you’ve got to stay friendly because you’ve got kids involved and you’ve really got to take care of business for them and not put them in the middle. But in terms of being friends, I don’t think friends is possible, friendly is ok. If you’ve got reason to stay connected. Otherwise, remove them from Facebook, Twitter, all social media and get out of town.
Charles J. Orlando: The are an ex for a reason.
Lisa Steadman: Extricate them.
Charles J. Orlando: Absolutely, so the analogy I can give you is when you, when you go to the refrigerator and you take out the milk and you smell it and it’s bad, you don’t put it back and think it’ll be good tomorrow. You know, you throw it out and go get new milk.
Lisa Steadman: Sometimes you do.
Charles J. Orlando: You shouldn’t.
Lisa Steadman: You shouldn’t, that’s true.
Charles J. Orlando: To your point, like get rid of your milk. Everybody go throw away your milk right now.
Lisa Steadman: Check the expiration.