Facebook Doesn't Ruin Relationships. People Do.

I often hear people say, "Facebook ruins relationships." And I must admit, I loved that the last guy I dated didn't have an account. But Facebook doesn't ruin relationships. Neither do clubs, adult videos, or online dating sites. People ruin relationships. Yes, they may be tempting, but it's ultimately up to that person to choose not to cheat or engage in those kinds of temptations.

Facebook doesn't ruin relationships, people do.

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While Facebook gives us an easy, casual way to get in touch with people, it doesn't make our choices for us. We need to take responsibility for our actions. We still decide what defines cheating in our relationships, and whether or not we will cross that line. Just because someone wants your partner, doesn't mean your partner should do something with them. Nothing in the world could make anyone cheat if they really loved their partners.

It's not a mistake they make, it's a choice.

We still decide how much attention we should pay to other people, and how much attention we are comfortable receiving.

When I hear people blame Facebook, clubs, or anything else for the problems in their marriage, it reminds me of what is (in my opinion) one of the worst personality flaws: the inability to admit the truth. 

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If your goal is to brush things under the rug and pretend everything in your relationship is fine, then by all means stay off Facebook. Just quit paying your internet bill at all.

Cancel girls' night out. Stay away from any bachelor parties. Monitor each other's internet use, and check each other's phones. You know, just in case.

But if your goal is to have a solid, healthy relationship, one that is based on trust and commitment, recognize that any fears you have about Facebook in your relationship are deeper issues that should be worked through in counseling.

I've heard several people say that infidelity in their marriages ultimately served to strengthen the marriage. It was not the act of infidelity that improved the relationship, but the resulting attention paid to the relationship after the affair.

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Rather than wait or hope your fears never materialize, confront these fears early on.

In a healthy relationship, you won't have to spend your time worrying about what your partner will do. And you won't worry that you'll be tempted to stray, either. You'll trust each other. You'll trust yourself.

Facebook is NOT the problem. Figure out what is, and work through it together, or you will continue to blame other things for your partner's infidelity which will allow them to keep getting away with it.

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Rebecca A. Marquis is a dating coach and the author of How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 34 Ways To Keep Her From Getting Annoying, Jealous, or Crazy.