Are You Having Sex For The Right Reasons?

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Are you having sex in a healthy way? Find out below!

When you want to make love, why do you want to? The answer may seem obvious, but there are many reasons for wanting to have sex other than feeling sexual. 12 Ways To Feel Sexy Right Now

Some of the reasons we might want to have sex:

 

  • Feeling insecure and wanting to feel loved or validated through sex
  • Hoping that by having sex the other person will like you or love you
  • Having sex as a form of control over the other person's feelings for you
  • Feeling sexual desire and wanting another person to take care of it for you
  • Hoping that having sex will release stress
  • Hoping that having sex will put you to sleep
  • To have a sense of power and control over someone in general
  • To avoid facing feelings of loneliness and aloneness, or other painful feelings
  • To be held and get the affection that you want
  • Feeling filled with love and wanting to express it physically to the person you love

Other than the last reason, all the others are from a wounded part of you — your wounded self.

The wounded self in many people has learned to use sex addictively — to get love, avoid pain, and feel safe. This can create many problems in relationships and in society in general. A person acting from his or her wounded self who wants power and control may sexually abuse both children and adults. 

A person in a relationship operating from the wounded self, who has learned to use sex as a form of validation, may be sexually demanding to the point that his or her partner feels used, controlled, and invaded. The partner at the other end of an insecure and sexually demanding partner often finds himself or herself completely turned off sexually in the relationship. Is Your Spouse The Best Sex You've Ever Had?

I have often worked with women who have sex with a man, not because she feels great desire, but in the hopes of getting him to love her and stay in the relationship. Invariably, this backfires and she ends up feeling betrayed. Yet, she has betrayed herself by using sex as a form of control.

Next: Why it's not your partner's duty to take care of your sexual needs...

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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Dr. Margaret Paul

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
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