Kate Taylor's piece in the New York Times, "Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game Too", caused quite a stir by putting a sexy new slant on hook-up culture: It's women in control, not men, who are driving the trend. But hooking up cannot replace or come close to fulfilling the human need for real connection. It doesn't make us smarter, stronger or more in control to avoid connection and intimacy. It doesn't set us up to be better or happier than the women who came before us. It just sets us up to be disappointed in a different way.
NEW YORK TIMES
To gain insight into Angelina Jolie's brave yet extreme choice to get a preventive mastectomy, we sat down with YourTango Expert Dr. Shoshana Bennett — a clinical psychologist, an author and a breast cancer patient who opened up about the physical, emotional and sexual effects of cancer and mastectomies.
If you were to scan the news headlines over the past few months, the primary message you would glean about men in America would be this: They are failing. Failing to become adults; failing to be financially independent; failing as fathers; failing as husbands. It’s enough to make a girl like myself throw her hands up in the air and vow to be single for the rest of her life. Yet, the more I read, the more I start to wonder: whose standards are we going by here? And what if all these statistics about men in their 20’s and 30’s living lives of self-indulgent abandon, delaying marriage, and being neglectful fathers aren’t nearly as black and white as they seem? What if there’s more going on beneath the surface, and what about all the men who don’t fall into those categories? The ones who are involved fathers, devoted husbands, and successful career men. Isn’t it high time we gave them a little bit of press?
I confess: I'm an avid reader of the New York Times wedding announcements. I'm one of those people who religiously scans the Vows section every Sunday. I even watch the videos online. There's no better escape from my own banal reality than to read optimistic tales of romance that make me feel like we can all find a summa cum laude Harvard grad (who happens be descended from Thomas Jefferson) in our local bar. Whatever your level of interest in Vows, they're an institution. Enough so that there was a bit of an uproar lately when many of us opened up our Sunday papers to find a tale of infidelity leading the announcements.
Here's to hoping this isn't a new type of breakup. On NYTimes.com, there's a story about a couple who was engaged to be married, er well make a life commitment to one another, but decided against it. However, they still own two abodes together, have two mortgages together and are really interconnected. Now, we realize things are getting harder during the recession, but if we had to cohabit with our ex, well, let's just say only one of us would come of it alive. However, we still wish Benjamin Dixon and Bradford Shellhammer the best of luck in this endeavor.
The New York Times is lamenting the lack of film making in today's porn. Evidently, contemporary skin movies lack things like plot, dialogue and acting that made classics like Debbie Does Dallas, well, classics. It's all business these days. And who's to blame? Is it free, amateur porn? Is it the national attention span? Or do blockbuster movies bear some of the blame?
Earlier this week, New York Times columnist, Ross Douthat, wrote an op-ed piece about how feminism has made women increasingly unhappy over the last 30 years. Despite being wealthier, healthier and better educated than they were a generation ago, women in post-feminist America aren't as happy as they used to be. He suggested this may have something to do with the number of women "stuck raising kids alone," a "depressing" lifestyle that's much more common among women in the lower socioeconomic class. This hardly explains why so many wealthy women in East Hampton are so miserable, though, Douthat admits.
According to a new study cited in The New York Times, infidelity is on the rise. The study also concluded that young women are closing the gap on what has largely been thought of as bad behavior for men—apparently, nearly as many women are cheating on their partners and spouses. This did not surprise me in the slightest—a large number of women I know in my age group have cheated on boyfriends. So why do women cheat? What are the circumstances that led to their infidelity? And how did they feel about it in the aftermath? After the jump, 13 anonymous confessions from women who have cheated.
When enmeshed in the search for love, it can be difficult to determine whether it should be something we find or something that we decide to do. Many people experience the romantic love story. But a lot of couples find love to be something more learned and practiced. For people who are still hunting, it's difficult to decide whether to view it as a noun or a verb. Louise Rafkin has been interviewing couples and telling their love stories in a weekly column in the San Francisco Chronicle for the past couple years. As someone who is still searching for the one, she pondered the question of love and how to attain it in Modern Love in the New York Times.
In Bad Mother, author Ayelet Waldman encourages women to aspire to be "not bad" mothers and resist the pressure to meet the extremely high standards of success that society has for women and motherhood. Waldman wants women to stop trying so hard and just be. She argues that mothers can and should be honest, flawed, and, yes, selfish sometimes—your ability to care for your children will not suffer. Discuss: Which is harder: marriage or motherhood?
A few websites exist that want to put gold diggers and sugar daddies together. One of those sites, SeekingArrangements.com, was featured in the New York Times over the weekend. Finally, technology is doing something that older, rich men used to have to do manually.
Variety reports that the two stars and their production companies have purchased the rights to Important Artifacts and Personal Property from the Collection of Lenore Doolan and Harold Morris, Including Books, Street Fashion, and Jewelry, which is a mock auction catalogue offering the mementos from a couple's failed love affair. Lenore and Harold's artsy, culture-filled relationship is chronicled through the black and white photographs and auction lot descriptions of handwritten notes, salt shakers, jars of quarters, and more than 300 other objects that took on significance during the couple's time together.