In my counseling office, I see a lot of damage done because people don't know how to ask for what they want, or don't think it's OK. Not asking for what you want means you'll eventually resent somebody, and that leads to a lot of strife. So today, I thought I'd give some hints about how to ask for what you want. To really be successful, you need to understand the difference between asking and demanding, and how to approach different people.
Many relationships are facing intense stress and anxiety over money issues. It seems that love and money have an important connection with couples. Perhaps your current relationship is feeling the impact of this connection now. How would you rate your relationship on a 1-10 love & money scale, where the first number is how loving and passionate your connection is and the second number is the degree to which you have mastered money concerns?
Most men are confused about what a woman really wants; I know I am. We can assume that it’s the diamond ring or the nice house in the nice neighborhood or making sure the family’s needs are met or being a good father or completing the honey-do list, etc. These things (and so many more!) are, in my opinion, the basics of what a woman deserves.
Here are a few things to think about that might help you to understand the concept of personal needs and values from another viewpoint. You might find it helpful to take a sheet of paper and pencil out and jot down your responses to a few questions.
When we're hungry, it's simple—we eat. When we're thirsty, we drink. But what about when you just want to and need to be touched? There are no touch cafés. Touch doesn't come as a gift with purchase at the Lancôme counter. And if you're not in a romantic relationship, how do you fill up your touch tank to full? There are often not enough outlets for affection in platonic relationships. Friends provide emotional support, memorable nights out, advice and adventures, but few friendships are so close that it's comfortable and acceptable for you two to, say, snuggle on the couch together, or hold each other in a longer-than-usual embrace—one long enough to communicate sincerity but short enough not to be awkward. The line becomes especially blurred if you're of compatible sexual orientations, because, oh my god, then it must mean you like each other. But wanting to be touched is a basic human need. (Without it, we're so much more susceptible to depression, stress, anxiety, loss in self-confidence and loss in drive and motivation!) And sadly though not surprisingly, we live in a touch-deprived culture that’s comfortable with touch only if it has sexual meaning, if we're celebrating, if someone is consoling or being consoled, or if it involves raising our kids.
Why I cheated and why I think a lot of men do. It's simpler that you think.
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