If you’re in a serious relationship with a man, chances are you’ve nagged him about taking out the trash, throwing away his junk mail, making a dentist appointment or exercising. The list goes on and on with the same conclusion: Most men procrastinate. And they are even less likely to accomplish a task with a woman over their shoulder complaining. Although it may be tempting to fly into a rage next time you trip over your man’s wet towel, it’s best to keep your cool. Here are some ways to avoid acting like his mother.
Do you focus more on the negative than the positive? Can you find a million things to complain about but only a few things to praise? Do you find yourself constantly complaining and it annoys even you? If so, don't beat yourself up about it. It is, after all, a perfectly normal human tendency. If you're walking through the woods and you step on a wildflower, no big deal. If, however, you step on a rattlesnake, BIG deal. So, in effect, we are wired to pay more attention to the negative.
Why do men seem to be attracted to mean, bitchy girls? If you're nice and considerate, is he going to grow bored of you? Why Some Women Need to be "Bitches" In the Bedroom In this video, YourTango expert and Relationship Coach LiYana Silver dissects the allure of the "bitchy woman," and explains how you can create the same effect in a new or current relationship without being a ranting, raving, mean girl. Find out why it's all about "the hunt."
Gretchen Rubin, author of the brand new book The Happiness Project, has a suggestion for people who want to make their dating lives happier: Quit nagging!
Sometimes being told what to do is really nice. It's not that it divorces you from the consequences. But being told exactly what to do can take the thinking out of something you clearly don't want to do. However, being on the business end of a constant stream of critiques, veiled orders, words to the wise and "helpful" hints is a major bummer. It's not just ladies who nag, fellas do too — but we call it carping, hectoring and emotional battery. We like to say, "All's fair in love and war," but if the Geneva Convention makes it illegal to pull out someone's fingernails to get them to spill when the next attack is coming, it stands to reason that telling someone to hang up their polo four times in one week. Nagging equals torture.
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Almost inevitably, you've all but deserted your New Year's resolutions—more sex, less bickering, more patience. But your marriage is still on the rocks. According to the married co-authors of Eight Lessons For A Happier Marriage, one of these seven deadly habits may be to blame.
Shana cringed whenever I chewed on a pen –-which was pretty much every time I had one nearby. I told her that I heard her, was trying my best to remember not to do it around her, and that it wasn’t personal. After the 23rd time of being yelled at –yelled at—while I was concentrating on a crossword, I told her I felt nagged. She replied, "I nag because I love." I nag because I love is one of those phrases thoughtlessly tossed out of convenience to excuse bad behavior, but if you put any thought into, you’d realize doesn’t hold up. Think "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" or "The surge is working."
A few days ago, I was asking my 17 year old son a series of have-you-gotten-blank-and-blank-done-college-application questions. To which he replied with a series of exasperated yeahs until he reached his manly limit, I guess, and said, “Mom, would you just stop nagging me?” I think I heard my husband murmur, “Uh-oh.” I started to say, “WHAT?!!?” when he interrupted to quickly say, “I just mean, mom, that I have it under control! You don’t need to worry about it. Really….it’s all good.” Even better, I’m sure, after a little speech about motherhood, worrying, and a reminder of how to speak to his mom.
Nagging won't help; but a partner's unhealthy habit hurts more than his or her life expectancy. Taking on too much responsibility for a partner's bad habit is a classic sign of codependency‚ and an unhealthy dynamic in which one person becomes too wrapped up in the other. As she learns to cope with her husband's smoking; Meagan Francis also explores where his problem ends and hers begins. What does she find? "While it's OK to worry about a partner when they're doing unhealthy things, detaching from their habits—while keeping the lines of communication open—is key. Of course, there are some non-negotiables. Illegal drug use, heavy drinking, addictive gambling, and anything severely self-destructive may warrant a "quit or else" attitude. But for those not dealing with extreme cases, ultimatums aren't the answer, and neither is an expectation that your partner will comply with your wishes. Instead, use your mutual respect to reach a compromise."