When you're trying to decide whether to end a relationship, things can get confusing. Learn how to navigate through the chaos with these tips.
Everyone who's anyone knows that having lots of great sex makes you feel better. Having a healthy, regular sex life is good for the body, mind and the spirit. Recent studies by Harvard University and iVillage have brought this to the public's attention again, but we've known about the positive benefits of sex for decades. And yet, somehow there are lots of people ignoring the advice. In August I wrote about some practical ways you can take responsibility for your own pleasure, but the reality is that most people probably already know what they need to do, and they're still not doing it.
This blog is for men and women who have been in a relationship for a long time—say ten years or more. It’s gotten stale, or worse, and you’re trying to decide what to do. Here’s the thing: your relationship didn’t get bad overnight. It’s been a long time coming, and there have been signs along every step of the way. But inertia is a very powerful force. Most people would rather be moderately miserable than do the work needed to be outrageously happy.
When a woman is in a long term relationship and it has grown stale, she tends to engage in what I call magical thinking. It’s part of the process of mourning the loss of romantic love; after the shock, denial and betrayal fade, you begin to bargain with the powers that Be. But then you realize that bargaining isn’t really getting you anywhere (unless you loop back to the denial stage) and you start casting around for lifelines. Enter, stage left: Prince Charming.
I’ve been working on my new book and it’s thrown me back into the time I left my partner in 2007. As I re-read what I’ve written so far, it occurred to me that we had a ridiculously long honeymoon phase in our relationship. For most couples, the honeymoon lasts a few months to a few years. For us it lasted sixteen years. Once the honeymoon phase is over, a couple is faced with a power struggle. That power struggle can last a few months, or it can last the rest of their lives, depending on how each person deals with it.
A few weeks ago, my friend Adam Sheck blogged about the 3 P’s of relationships from an Imago Relationship Therapy standpoint. The 3 P’s are: Pick, Provoke and Project. It occurred to me that there are two more P’s possible for couples who want to move into a conscious relationship.
It’s vacation time! Summer is in full swing and here in MA we’re having the warmest, sunniest summer I can remember. It got me thinking about how to make a vacation getaway with your partner even steamier. 1. Schedule a little time just for the two of you. Send the kids to grandma’s (as we did this past weekend) and the pets to the kennel. Resist the temptation to meet up with friends for at least one full day. 2. Sample the best of summer foods, and feed them to each other. Any food can be an aphrodisiac if it’s presented properly. The Thai Butter Mussels on the beach Sunday were out of this world—so good we had seconds. 3. Lube each other up… with sunscreen, of course (where did your mind go with that?!). Sunburns are definitely not sexy, but having your partner run their slippery hands all over your body is pretty hot.
Dan Savage is a journalist for The Stranger; he writes an advice column called Savage Love. I recently had the pleasure of watching a video clip of him, and I now think I’m in love. He was talking about swinging and non-monogamy, and I know I found a kindred spirit. Here are a few of the points he made, along with my own thoughts about the subject.
A recent survey conducted by iVillage discovered that less than half of all married women are satisfied with their sex lives. 81% say their sex lives are predictable, and only one in seven had experimented with something new in the past year. But it’s not because they don’t want sex: 58% of the women reported being “in the mood” within the past week. Guess what, ladies? You can do something about this!
I’ve been witness lately to a number of strong, independent women who end up around the age of 40 experiencing a “mid-life crisis.” They decide that their husband or partner isn’t giving them what they need, and they want to leave the relationship. I think it has less to do with being in mid-life and more to do with being out of touch with their feminine essence.