What’s the first step in exploring S&M? Change the way you think. What exactly constitutes as S&M? Are you comfortable enough in your sexual relationship to try it? Ky Henderson clears up misconceptions and speaks to couples who agree that it is a new way to build trust and explore ways to potentially liven up a “vanilla” sex life.
Anal sex sounds dirty, impersonal, and painful, so why do we do it? Because it's perfectly clean, remarkably intimate, and can feel unlike anything else. Experts estimate that one out of every four straight couples has tried anal sex at least once. Ky Henderson shares some thoughts, advice and perspectives.
Everyone from my mother to Mr. Rogers had articulated some version of 'beauty is only skin-deep.' What really mattered, they said, was inner beauty. But the concept of inner beauty was tough to comprehend. That other famous platitude, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," suggests that there's always someone who will think someone else is beautiful, and always someone who will think that same someone else is ugly. In other words, everyone is beautiful, and everyone isn't—so objective beauty doesn't exist. It's a nice thought, but scientists have told us for years that humans instinctively equate facial and bodily symmetry with attractiveness, because it connotes health.
You've gotten past the initial intimacy but now it's time to discuss what you and your partner really want in the bedroom. Whether it's leather, role-playing, urination or costumes, telling your partner about your fantasies can be difficult. "Chances are, at some point your partner will reveal a desire to you that at best catches you off guard, and at worst makes you wonder whether you should alert the authorities. When that happens, the way you react could have ramifications not only on your sex life, but on your relationship as a whole." Ky Henderson talks to the pros for advice on handling these potentially sensitive sexual negotiations.
Hollywood rarely depicts sex accurately: near-instantaneous, always-simultaneous orgasms? Sheets that conceal only naughty bits? But they get at least one thing right: the act is often hot and the aftermath is often messy. And that's not even getting into polyamory or open marriage. Even the most fun threeway can wind up as complicated as Y Tu Mama Tambien or Wild Things. That Ky Henderson advises you set terms of a threesome to try to save feelings of jealousy and self-loathing and unpleasant realities like sexually transmitted disease and social stigma.
Too many couples have mediocre sex; and too few understand why. The first step is defining what bad sex is for you. And it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with orgasms. The next step is figuring out what's making it boring or unfulfilling and communicating that to your partner. But a little communication and sexual exploration can prevent it from being a total dealbreaker.
According to the CDC; about 90 percent of men and women have had oral sex at some point in their lives‚ but that doesn't mean they continue to have it regularly, or even that they liked it in the first place. The reasons why some folks aren't up on going down are a Freudian analyst's wet dream: People fear it's unhygienic. Or they dislike the taste. Or they worry their technique is bad. Or they simply find the idea of faces being in places swimsuits cover to be generally unpleasant.
Some couples play dress-up even when it’s not Halloween; imagining different people and scenarios while making love can invigorate your sex life—or it can make you feel a little creepy. How do you get the best from your fantasies? Here’s a guide to navigating your sexual imaginations. "From picturing the hottie in Accounts Payable naked, to role-playing, to thinking about other people or circumstances while masturbating or having sex, people often use fantasies to augment their lovemaking. In fact, there are women who can achieve orgasm merely by conjuring that philanthropist/mailman/pool boy/plumber in their heads. (Seriously. And they're being studied.) Even if you're not blessed with that ability, research has shown that women's orgasms are in some ways more tied to mental gymnastics than to anything that's happening in the physical world. 'In women, the vast majority of sex is going on in their minds,' explains Dr. Anita H. Clayton, a professor in the Department of Psychiatric Medicine at the University of Virginia and author of an upcoming book about the relationship between sex and the psyche. 'So we can be easily distracted or shift into another set of feelings very quickly.'"
For many couples; the elusive simultaneous orgasm is the WMD of the bedroom: The effects can be explosive; but hunting for it is frequently an exercise in frustration. With a few simple biological facts in mind and a more relaxed attitude it is a lot easier to reach. Ky Henderson explains.