In relationships, financial conflict might actually be about something deeper.
While financial rifts are often listed as the leading cause of a breakup, it's what's behind the dollar signs that tears couples apart. Money issues are often just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to rocky marriages. Certain amounts of stress, hurt, and resentment just manifest themselves in the form of financial conflict. Martha Baer, a financial expert, explores the hidden stresses money often masks.
Sometimes financial disparity can be a major problem in a relationship.
Too little money certainly stresses a relationship—but too much money can be just as bad. Abby Ellin discusses why it’s hard to keep your balance on uneven financial turf.
Surviving on a single income. Couples take turns at earning and learning.
He’d love to write a novel; she wants to study law. Couples who are willing to live off a single paycheck can give each other something priceless: freedom. While one half goes through life changes; the other half is able to provide financial stability; Martha Baer reports.
What does your gift say about the bigger picture of your relationship?
It’s the thought that counts, right? But what were you thinking when you gave that gift—and what does it say about the bigger picture of your relationship? Whether getting a gift for a guy or purchasing a present for girl, a gift can symbolize a feeling or express a value, but they carry a lot of weight, financially and emotionally. Martha Baer cites some examples in this essay about the connotations of giving gifts. She writes, "in one study of more than 100 gift recipients, only 42 percent reported 'positive emotional experiences,' while 58 percent reported the opposite. Plenty of gifts simply confirm an already detectable distance. Givers reveal their ignorance and thoughtlessness all the time; every item of clothing you never even hung up is proof of that. And how many times has a present you didn’t anticipate left you feeling burdened?"
Author Martha Baer does the math on sharing finances as a couple.
They love each other. They trust each other. Why is their money in 3 or 4 (or 7!) different bank accounts? The question isn't joint or separate accounts; writes Martha Baer; but how many a couple needs. Keeping separate bank accounts can save the trouble of discussing how money should be distributed.
Love and commitment can be the key to a more charitable side of you.
Even if you don't have billions laying around, take an example from Bill Gates, who was inspired by his wife Melinda to contribute to charitable organizations. Martha Baer explains how love can urge a person to better themselves by offering what they can to their community. There's a saccharine note to the claim that love makes people better—more generous, more open-minded—but there's truth to it, too. And couples will tell you that contributing to charity is a way of communicating to each other and to the world that they share values.
