Just as we saw the evolution of bigger beaks in Galápagos finches so they could break seeds for eating, we're seeing an evolution in how humans engage in relationships. Monogamy, unfortunately, isn’t natural for primates and mammals. When Natalie Portman's character in the upcoming movie, "No Strings Attached," said, "I think monogamy goes against basic biology," she was, unfortunately, correct.
Monogamy is quite the controversial topic these days. On one hand, we adore the ideal of a sexually satisfying monogamous marriage. On the other hand, men and women are finding this goal increasingly difficult to follow. Politicians and sports figures offer examples of the challenges of monogamy on an almost daily basis.
You’ve probably never even thought about it. What impact does this culture have on your sex life? It may surprise you to learn that the answer is quite a bit.
Working as a sex therapist is a fascinating career. It is intense work, talking about the intimate aspects of people’s lives every day. People ask me if I get depressed, hearing about people’s problems. I can understand why people would ask that question, but the truth is, it is much more depressing for me to be around people who need help and aren’t getting it, than to be with people who are reaching out and getting the assistance they need. I also find that I learn a tremendous amount about life, working so intimately with others.
I work with many young couples who come into counseling after the birth of children. They complain that their relationship has changed, feel disconnected from each other, and sex is often limited or non-existent. They are anxious to return to the connection and passion of their earlier relationship, but do not know how.
Whether you are coupled or single, here are a few resolutions to get your “Year of Pleasure” started. First of all, do some redecorating. Look around your bedroom – does this room make you feel sensual and sexy? If not, it’s time to spruce things up. Our surroundings can have a significant impact on how we feel. Think about it – we spend time in nature or go to a house of worship to feel connected to something greater than ourselves. In contrast, when we want to let loose and have fun, we go to a bar.