Pauline tackles selective noticing, cousin of selective listening.
You've no doubt heard the term Selective Listening (SL). Kids are experts at this ("I didn't hear you ask me take out the garbage! Honest."), and husbands come in a close second. I'm ok with this; I've found ways to overcome SL. It's simple really—after I've asked them to do something, I inquire: "Did you hear what I just said?" or "Do you understand?" or "Hello?! Are you listening to me?" or "Please take those things out of your ears and listen to me." Sometimes I forget to follow up for confirmation of message received—I'm in a hurry or being forgetful myself, so on occasion I still get: "What are you talking about?" or "You asked me to do what?" or "I just must not have heard you." or the very wise, "If I would have known you wanted that done, of course I would have done it!" or the one about the garbage. Anyway, like I said, when I'm on my toes, I can prevail over SL.
Pauline realizes that sometimes small differences are better left alone.
I’ve been on a bit of a blog-writing-hiatus. Switching jobs, training my replacement, and helping my dad promote the book he just wrote (see www.beyondfossilfools.com to hear the podcast we made, and search Beyond Fossil Fools at YouTube to see the video) has kept my brain too occupied and full to write. Then, on the 5th we left for a road-trip to Canada’s mountains-majesty to attend a destination wedding. We just got home a few days ago. Much more on this later.
Today, I want to write about something I’ve been thinking about for a few weeks. A relationship-revelation sort of deal.
Pauline shares her feelings as she watches her son graduate.
My son graduated last weekend. Up to the actual day of the ceremony, I was doing a dang good job of ignoring/avoiding what was coming up. That my first born will be leaving soon. That this chapter is now closed: the one where he grows up with me there to guide him. That I’m old enough to have a son who is graduating from high school. I wasn’t thinking about any of this.
A girlfriend (Teri) and I were talking about dating. Specifically, I was asking about the latest guy she dated and doesn’t want to date anymore. “Too many deal breakers,” she dismissed. “Okay,” I pushed, “list ‘em.” And so she did. Half way through, I got a pen.
My sisters and I are following a budding romance. Well, actually there are quite a few people watching to see what happens. Yes, mostly women, although it’s not like the men close their ears if we give them an update. It doesn’t seem to bother the two involved. They are quite open about what’s going on. Well, they’re not exactly open to all of us – only my sister gets the called-in updates. But we have a phone network set up. I’m savoring it (pathetic, ain’t it?) while it lasts because we all know that sooner or later this couple will get sick of the scrutiny. I would have already had enough. Good sports.
A few weeks ago, I bought a little sound system for our bedroom. My sister convinced me that music will add a “magical new dimension” to love making. Odd that Steve and I wouldn’t have had music in our bedroom since day one seeing as we are both musicians. But there you have it. We didn’t. Now we do.
The night of the purchase, I realized that I hadn’t had the foresight at the store to find “magical love making” music to play. So I scoured the house, looking for just the right thing. We have a lot of music to choose from, but still, I found nothing. However, I remembered that earlier in the week, I had put aside a CD my son was going to throw out: Celtic Magic. Well, I thought, that might just work, if for no other reason than for the title.
Steve and I took a long-week-end-sans-kids vacation last week. It was wonderful. Steve and I vacation well together, mostly because we make it a point to have no agendas. There’s no pressure for me to do what he wants and vice versa.
I’m completely o.k. going to the shops without him if he’d rather nap or read. On the other hand, if I join him for a bike ride, there’s no pressure to go further than I want. (Well, o.k., a little pressure, but he backed off.) There are the things we know we both love to do together, so we try to take time each day to do that as well: hike, eat, sit in the sun, explore. Oh yes, and vacation sex. (I blogged about this a few months ago, and I’m back at it.)
Speaking of vacation sex, I always make it a point, when traveling without the kids, to pack a few sexy, bedtime (or middle of the day, why not) outfits. We all know that men are visual creatures: the sight of “sexy” revs their engines. So, I indulge him.
Steve and I aren’t spending much time together these days. His schedule pretty much lines up directly opposite mine. If I get home from work in a timely manner, we do get an hour together before he dashes out. The show he’s playing for runs Tuesday through Sunday nights. I leave the house at 6:45 a.m. and get home at 5:00. The show was just extended for a few more weeks. I’ll see him some time late July….
In the meantime, sometimes, when you don’t have time, there are just some choices you have to make. Some priorities have to be set. Like last night. I got home at about 10:00. I was exhausted (I had left the house at about 6:45 a.m.) and went straight to the bedroom to sleep. It was Steve’s day off and he had decided to install a ceiling fan. It was half done when I got home.
Last week, I promised to lighten up this blog. What better way to do so than to talk about sex. Well, wait, sex and all of its ins and outs, can be a serious, convoluted, deep subject. However, forget all of that for now: this blog is about Vacation Sex (VS). Not that daily (weekly/monthly….biyearly??), can-I-have-it-I-don’t want-to-why-not kind of sex stuff. (Believe me, there will be a follow up for that.) VS happily, is sex that’s still eagerly anticipated - even for most long-term couples.
Note: Let me clarify that when I say vacation, I mean the real kind: NO KIDS. Going on a “vacation” with the kids is fun and great and all of that, but face it, it’s not truly a vacation. Just note the synonyms for the word: break, retreat, rest, escape. This is definitely not the definition for the experience of vacationing with children – you are still acting as nurse, counselor, maid, servant, enforcer, cook, referee, watcher, minder, etc….So for the sake of this blog, a vacation
Kissed your spouse lately? Tips for a better marriage through smooching.
When is the last time you made out with your spouse? I mean really had a kiss fest? In another of my very informal surveys, I found that most couples (married more than 4-5 years) rarely do more than smooch! You know, that hello-honey, see-you-later-dear, good-night smooch. Come on! Passionate kissing is erotic, sexy, and revs everything up. Don’t you remember?
