What single woman hasn't dreamt of a dating fairy swooping in to help her let go of baggage and find the happy, healthy relationship she craves? For Nadette, a 45-year-old casting director who recently ended a year-long engagement, that dream became reality. Nadette entered and won YourTango's Love Life Makeover contest, earning the privilege of taking on a 31-day love life makeover with Dr. Diana Kirschner, bestselling author and renowned relationship expert. This six-part video series documents Nadette's extraordinary journey with Dr. Diana.
MOVING ON AFTER A BREAKUP
Originially published on As We Write It Somewhere between the point where it ended and that point in my life where I knew I had to leave New Jersey, Sasha dragged me to Atlantic City. We walked around, we talked, we saw a fortune teller. Who in five minutes looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me that no one deserves to be as heart broken as I was. She took my hand and told me about my Bad Love...about Matt, only she referred to him as a soul mate connection and that that love had changed me forever.
When it comes to dating and relationships, everything isn't always black and white. Because of all of the variables (different personalities, history, goals, timing, etc...), one-size-fits-all advice just can't apply to EVERY situation. However, I CAN say with confidence that, during/after a breakup, there IS a healthy code of conduct that should apply to everyone, regardless of their exact circumstances.
I’m not proud of this, but I am kind of obsessed with my ex’s new girlfriend. Not in an Alicia Silverstone in “The Crush” sort of way—I am not going to trap the chick in a shed and set a hive of bees on her to attack. That would be crazy! No, I just like to look at her Facebook page sometimes. It’s been set to private ever since the day I told my ex that I suspected he was lying to me about his relationship with her. He must have told her I was onto them, because suddenly I didn’t have as much access to this mysterious girl I’d only ever met twice, who slipped in and changed my life without me noticing.
In her new book, Getting Past Your Breakup, Susan J. Elliot says that a rule of No Contact with your ex is necessary to fully heal and grieve after a tough breakup. Although she understands how difficult this notion can be (she has personal experience in the department of contacting exes), she says, "in order to truly get past your breakup, you need to separate emotionally, physically, and psychologically from the relationship, and the primary way to do that is to stop talking to your ex."Read: Stay Together or Break Up? How To Decide Now
HOW do you get an Ex to STOP calling you?It's been over six months since I have had ANY contact of ANY kind with my former FWB. The last time we spoke, on the phone, I re-iterated what I had already told him in person, which is that he and I are over because I was entering into an actual relationship. He never wanted an actual relationship and he made that clear right from day one.I was fine with that as I was still grieving the death of my husband.We both agreed to be friends with benefits, and that is all.This lasted over two years, during which time I told him at least four times that one day I would meet someone who wanted to have a relationship with me and our connection would then end.
I have a lot of friends and readers who ask me about dead-end relationships. They know they're in them but they're not sure how or if they even want to get out of them. It seems like the start of a new year is the perfect time to look at the makeup of the breakup.Here's the short version. If you know it's done, get out. I know, I know. There are all sorts of considerations—housing, pets, kids, years of history together, familial relationships, fear of being alone. But, if you don't want to be there, if you can no longer remember why you're there in the first place, if it's just plum not working, how can you stay together? Truly. How?
The worst part of the end of a relationship can be the lack of one. We've all been there, waiting for answers that never came and wasting precious time trying to get that closure from an ex who just wasn't willing to give it. Whether it was a long drawn-out breakup or one that ended abruptly without warning, below are some tips on how to move on to bigger and better things—specifically a new you.