As Christopher Columbus said, you can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. It's hard to let go of that shore post-divorce or after any relationship tanks. No matter how bad the relationship was or how much you wanted out, it's still what you've known, possibly for a very, very long time.
MOVING ON AFTER A BREAKUP
It all began when I was in New York City killing time before a business meeting. Having always loved dining out, I was happy to stumble upon an enticing-looking restaurant called the Banc Café. I walked in and requested a table for one — I was freshly out of a relationship, so this seemed like a bold move at the time.
I’ve noticed a curious phenomenon among women who’ve recently left a relationship. Full disclosure: I did this myself once when I was in college. This strange thing happens where all of a sudden this guy, whom you’ve decided is not “the One,” becomes desirable again. Not in an “OMG how did I not notice how hot you are” kind of way, but in an “I don’t want you but I don’t want someone else to have you just yet” kind of way.
It's been a while since you two broke up ... well, really, he broke up with you, and you're still feeling heartbroken and confused. And yet, you can't get over him. You've become obsessed with replaying the breakup in your head, and wondering what went so wrong. But you know one thing for sure: you want him back.
We’ve all been there. You just broke up with a boyfriend, husband, or long-term partner. Whether you thought he was The One, or the one for the year or month, it never feels good. Breakups are hard because they represent the loss of a shared commitment. Even breakups that make logical sense are still emotionally painful. Moving on can be hard, but there are essential steps to getting past your breakup that can ensure it takes less time to get from breakdown to breakthrough!
Behind the barricaded doors of a study room in our dorm, The Hippie Pre-med Guitarist (HPG) and I were locked in a frenzied embrace. I’m not sure either of us would have predicted that this moment would happen when we each woke up that morning, but it was becoming more and more apparent over the increasing time we’d been spending together that our friendship was becoming more electric. At that moment, cradled in his arms, I pulled away and breathlessly confessed:
Over the years I've become very familiar at the task of ending something. As a writer, I put a wrap on my articles. As a mother, I shut down my daughters' tv hour in exchange for a sensible bedtime (and my sanity). As a caregiver, I know when to call a shift completed and over. Even with all of the daily acts of termination that occur, the single tribulation I cannot seem to release and kill off properly is a drowning relationship.
I am turning thirty later this year and as they say, I am not getting any younger! But I can say in the past month I have felt better about myself and where I am and where I am going in a long time. Its really easy to always look in the past, see the past failures and sob over them and think about the changes you would make. Well here is a tip: YOU CAN NOT CHANGE THEM! So now that you know that look at what you want to change in the present and in the future.
Are you struggling to release some of that pent up anger you’ve been feeling toward your ex? Did he betray you? Lie to you? Intentionally (at least that’s how it feels) break your heart? I get it. You are harboring some deep resentment and honestly I don’t blame you. But ask yourself, “Who are you really hurting by holding onto these feelings?”
1. Learn to self-soothe: It's really a combination of relaxation (some meditation), affirmations, positive self-talk and telling yourself that what you’re PERCEIVING is not necessarily how it is and, even if it is, you can survive it. Believe me, you will believe it after a while. Because the bottom line is: if you want to be okay, you will be.
After a breakup, particularly one you didn't initiate, you may find your confidence crushed. Your mind jumps from being rejected by one man to all the men who ever left you in the past and all the men you think will ever leave you in the future. You blow up this one breakup into meaning the end of love in your life forever. If this is you, you're not alone. Many women, including myself, have felt the deep devastation of a breakup and felt it was the end of the world.
Letting go of hurts and regrets in past relationships is one of the simplest ways to open yourself up to accept Soulmate Love as your destiny and to start magnetizing it in. Simple, but not easy! I remember hanging on energetically to a boyfriend who “did me wrong”- I was still angry for 2 YEARS after we broke up! Yeah sure, I “knew” about how important compassion and forgiveness were, but I just couldn’t seem to let my anger and hurt go.
When a relationship is over, it's time to let go. Holding on to a past love clutters up your heart and mind. Letting go opens up the space and possibilities to attract the partner of your dreams. Try these things to stop dwelling on the relationship you had with your ex.