What a bad boring rap monogamy has in our sex-saturated society. We live in a society that values multiple sex partners and ignores the richness of monogamous marital sex. This isn't to say married sex is perfect. I used to hate married sex. When I was married for the first time long ago, sex was a bit of an issue. And before that I dide the casual sex thing, only to discover what many others discover (but rarely admit) – sex outside the covenant of marriage leaves in its path a battlefield of emotional, physical and spiritual wreckage.
Much of the general public is in an uproar over the sudden rash of high-profile infidelities. Not surprising, really. It's made many of us anxious about our own relationships. We ask ourselves: am I enough for him? Will he cheat? Is our relationship doomed!? With all the brouhaha over infidelity, researchers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha decided that a new book was in order, a book that would serve to remind the rest of us of what should already be obvious: Sexual monogamy just doesn't work.
Bret Michaels tells Us Weekly that he and his longtime on-and-off girlfriend, Kristi Lynn Gibson, also the mother of his two children, have an understanding about their relationship, and it doesn't involve getting married. "The great thing about Kristi is that she never said 'If you don't marry me, I'm leaving,'" Bret says. "She went into this relationship with her eyes wide open."
Then came the Baby Boomers and their rebellious free-love movement of the 1970s. Although anonymous sex certainly was not for everyone, there were enough people jumping on the sex-drugs-and-rock’n’roll bandwagon to make it more acceptable. Monogamy in the 1970s came to mean, “I’m going to have a whole lot of fun, and then I will settle down with one person for the rest of my life.”
Whatever the case, the blogosphere is now abuzz with conversation about open marriages, which have been around for thousands of years, but have only reentered the spotlight thanks to marriages like Mo'Nique's and TV shows like Big Love. After combing YourTango's archives for first-hand accounts from couples in open marriages, we decided to shed some light on the most common misconceptions about polyamorous marriages:
Living together in a really tiny apartment. How to be a bad boyfriend. Chaps who go to all-boys schools become bad boyfriends, usually. What the contents of her purse mean. Learning love from the Jersey Shore. Surprising stats about sex and fidelity. Joy Behar says Rachel Utichel is a hooker (more or less). Maybe monogamy is the unusual thing, hmmm? Delving into the meaning of mixed tapes. Alienation of affection. Loving her feet and disclosing a foot fetish. When you discover someone who is almost, nearly "the one." And why didn't he call you back?
The last time I wrote about monogamy it prompted a lot of great comments, which led to even more questions. The first question is: is long term (20 or more years) monogamy a natural state for humans? The second question becomes this: if it’s not our natural state, what are our options in a society that generally favors monogamy?
Lately the question of monogamy has surfaced a number of times for me. I’ve been contemplating whether I genuinely believe that long term (20 or more years) monogamy is a natural state for humans. This is a pretty intense contemplation, as it runs counter to virtually everything we’ve ever been told in our society.
Despite the fact that humans are not naturally monogamous, there's something within us that seeks the companionship and stability one-on-one commitments offer. In a way, serial monogamy is a happy medium for many. Serial lovers get to express and explore these different components of their personalities with each relationship they try out.
In "The Cheaters Club," a piece for vanityfair.com, single chick, Melanie Berliet poses as an unhappily married woman on the prowl on the cheating site The Ashley Madison Agency. She analyzes three men and makes some pretty broad assumptions about monogamy.
Most of us are not ready for the honesty, transparency and humility that are necessary to make polyamory work. When I say humility, I mean being able to look at your own jealousies and insecurities with a gentle eye and a willingness to speak your truth with love.
Last week Newsweek ran an article on polyamory. It got me thinking about consciousness, sexuality and relationships. Most of us are not ready for the honesty, transparency and humility that are necessary to make polyamory work. When I say humility, I mean being able to look at your own jealousies and insecurities with a gentle eye and a willingness to speak your truth with love.