The key to monogamy is getting wasted? Now we’ve heard it all. According to a new study conducted by Mara Squicciarini and Jo Swinnen, and funded by the American Association of Wine Economists, the more a society drinks, the more they practice monogamy as well. We would have assumed that a high alcohol intake would equate to looser sexual beings, but apparently if this research is to be believed, that isn’t the case. It’s just the opposite.
Reasons for and against monogamy. What some ladies think about porn. Why dudes hate romantic comedies. A few good romantic comedies. Why you shouldn't fake the big O. How to please a woman (in bed). The merits of condomless sex. What is Sloppy Laydown? Seriously, stop whining, it's killing your relationship. Deanna Favre has faith. Seven signs he could be cheating. A woman married... herself. Getting tricked into buying your own engagement ring. Let's get some courtship back in modern romance. And what his Halloween costume says about him.
Dan Savage is a journalist for The Stranger; he writes an advice column called Savage Love. I recently had the pleasure of watching a video clip of him, and I now think I’m in love. He was talking about swinging and non-monogamy, and I know I found a kindred spirit. Here are a few of the points he made, along with my own thoughts about the subject.
What a bad boring rap monogamy has in our sex-saturated society. We live in a society that values multiple sex partners and ignores the richness of monogamous marital sex. This isn't to say married sex is perfect. I used to hate married sex. When I was married for the first time long ago, sex was a bit of an issue. And before that I dide the casual sex thing, only to discover what many others discover (but rarely admit) – sex outside the covenant of marriage leaves in its path a battlefield of emotional, physical and spiritual wreckage.
Much of the general public is in an uproar over the sudden rash of high-profile infidelities. Not surprising, really. It's made many of us anxious about our own relationships. We ask ourselves: am I enough for him? Will he cheat? Is our relationship doomed!? With all the brouhaha over infidelity, researchers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha decided that a new book was in order, a book that would serve to remind the rest of us of what should already be obvious: Sexual monogamy just doesn't work.
Bret Michaels tells Us Weekly that he and his longtime on-and-off girlfriend, Kristi Lynn Gibson, also the mother of his two children, have an understanding about their relationship, and it doesn't involve getting married. "The great thing about Kristi is that she never said 'If you don't marry me, I'm leaving,'" Bret says. "She went into this relationship with her eyes wide open."
Then came the Baby Boomers and their rebellious free-love movement of the 1970s. Although anonymous sex certainly was not for everyone, there were enough people jumping on the sex-drugs-and-rock’n’roll bandwagon to make it more acceptable. Monogamy in the 1970s came to mean, “I’m going to have a whole lot of fun, and then I will settle down with one person for the rest of my life.”
Whatever the case, the blogosphere is now abuzz with conversation about open marriages, which have been around for thousands of years, but have only reentered the spotlight thanks to marriages like Mo'Nique's and TV shows like Big Love. After combing YourTango's archives for first-hand accounts from couples in open marriages, we decided to shed some light on the most common misconceptions about polyamorous marriages:
Living together in a really tiny apartment. How to be a bad boyfriend. Chaps who go to all-boys schools become bad boyfriends, usually. What the contents of her purse mean. Learning love from the Jersey Shore. Surprising stats about sex and fidelity. Joy Behar says Rachel Utichel is a hooker (more or less). Maybe monogamy is the unusual thing, hmmm? Delving into the meaning of mixed tapes. Alienation of affection. Loving her feet and disclosing a foot fetish. When you discover someone who is almost, nearly "the one." And why didn't he call you back?
The last time I wrote about monogamy it prompted a lot of great comments, which led to even more questions. The first question is: is long term (20 or more years) monogamy a natural state for humans? The second question becomes this: if it’s not our natural state, what are our options in a society that generally favors monogamy?
Lately the question of monogamy has surfaced a number of times for me. I’ve been contemplating whether I genuinely believe that long term (20 or more years) monogamy is a natural state for humans. This is a pretty intense contemplation, as it runs counter to virtually everything we’ve ever been told in our society.