Fat, bumbling husband plus sexually frustrated wife equals the typical trope of television monogamy these days. Friends with benefits and no strings pepper romantic comedies in the movie theaters. Except for a certain vampire romance that opened last weekend there is a serious dearth of happy, healthy, monogamous couples who love one another on the big and small screens.
My boyfriend made it clear when we began dating that he was into having a semi-monogamous relationship — meaning that emotionally he would only want to commit to one person but physically he would want to have affairs, but he and I would plan and make terms and conditions for these escapades.
We've all done embarrassing things as we've stumbled our way through the single world. Whether it's forgetting the name of the guy you just slept with or drunk-texting your ex, no one's immune from making a fool out of themselves. But who knew that when it comes to dating and relationships, a little embarrassment can actually be a good thing?
You’ll want to sit down for this one: Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are heading for divorce. He allegedly cheated on Demi with a younger woman. In doing that (if if fact he really did), he joins a ridiculously long list of famous men who’ve cheated on their wives. Famous people are used to being the center of attention. This can be problematic when they are in a long term relationship, because couples in long term relationships eventually begin to take each other for granted. The familiar becomes mundane, which is a hard blow to those fragile egos. All egos are fragile, and the egos of famous people even more so. Yes, I’m generalizing here. But let’s face it, when everyone tells you how wonderful you are all the time except your wife (or husband), it does make you more susceptible than the average person to look for greener pastures.
Why do we resist scheduling time for sex? It is as though we believe that if we are truly sexually inspired, time will stop, children, clutter and work commitments will disappear and we will magically fall into bed with our lover. Similarly, I personally have tried the fitness plan in which I just wait for the moments when I get home from work and spontaneously decide to take a run around the block. Let’s just say I didn’t get very fit. Our fast paced, full of distractions lifestyle does not lend itself to letting something just happen when it happens.
Recently, I heard this line in a movie, “You’re just horny and afraid of being abandoned,” in reference to a girl who was pining away for a boy who did not return the favor, and did not appear to love her back, or have an interest in her that mirrored her interest in him, and the statement struck me to say the least.
Are you in a serious, monogamous relationship with a man and longing to get him to commit to you? Do feel ready to get engaged or married and yet you're still waiting for him to make a move to commit to your future together? If you've been with a man you love in an exclusive relationship for over a year, you're in the perfect position to help him make decision to commit to you. However, many men have conscious and subconscious fears that make them feel ambivalent about committing to any woman.
So, you're hitting it off with that new cutie in your office. You perk up when you see him, and you're about to head out to lunch for the second time this week. After all, he's a great listener — he really seems to understand you. Sure, you have a boyfriend or husband, but you can have an opposite sex friend. It's totally innocent, right?
Divorce is said to be one of the most profoundly painful experiences that a human being can survive. It's often tied to a profound fear that the pain will never end. It's been compared to the stages of death because the experience is often one of not only losing your marriage, but also, yourself. It reaches out and changes not only the couple, but also the children, family, friends, business associates, and overall community that make up the interwoven support system of the couple. As a marriage and family therapist and a divorce survivor, this article comes from firsthand personal and professional experience with divorce recovery.
I was checking for lipstick on my teeth or unseemly static cling before heading to my first "Full Moon" ceremony, a willing newbie ready for the New Age, when my husband came up behind me. "You look great," Gavin said, peering over my shoulder into the mirror. His gaze was frankly appreciative of my sensuous get-up. "What time do you think you'll be home?"
My wife and I tried swinging several years ago. It was exciting and fun to plan dates and it brought up surprising aspects of our sexuality. It also brought up some powerful emotions, which we were able to work through, although after some of the couples we were dating dropped us, the experience hit my wife really hard and we stopped not only swinging, but having sex altogether.
I recently went out on a first date with a stylish, charming man of French (Quebecois) descent. And when our conversation moved into that of relationships (which it inevitably does with me) he suddenly caught me off guard by stating : “I believe in commitment…but not monogamy.” His admission left me quite tongue-tied. I’ve never met someone who came right out and said so; or rather, I’ve never DATED someone who believed so. And the more he explained his position to me, the quieter and more pensive I became…
You're walking down the street and you see a gorgeous man smile at you. His once-over gives you a little thrill and you imagine what a first date might be like with him. But wait! You're in a committed relationship with a man that you adore. There will be no first date for you.
Last week I wrote about the three layers of trust in relationships. Since then I’ve been noticing how and when I trust people and situations, as well as how and whether others trust me in our interactions. What I’ve noticed is that my own ability to trust runs deep, and that my deep trust is contagious. It’s not universally contagious, but it has the potential to be. This deep trust carries with it a strong sense of peace and well-being, as if all is right with the world, even when appearances seem to deny it.
Erica Jong, known best for her book “Fear of Flying” is waxing poetic in the Sunday New York Times about what has happened to the sex lives of the younger generation. According to Jong, younger women are yearning for the nostalgia of a 50’s era happily ever after notion of monogamy, marriage and motherhood. Jong says it’s a kind of rebellion and a desire for control.
With each new sex scandal splashed across headlines, it's become impossible to hide from the realities of marriage, i.e., monogamy is hard. And with so many high-profile persons seemingly shirking fidelity, it's easier for couples unsatisfied in their relationship to start wondering if these cheating politicians just may have the right idea. It's these concerns and questions that The New York Times Magazine took on when reaching out to leading sex-advice columnist, Dan Savage for their recent exploration of monogamy and marriage.
I often say that if you don’t have trust in your relationship, you don’t have a relationship. The ironic thing about that statement is that trust is the biggest lesson we learn in romantic relationships. We learn to trust by experiencing its lack first, navigating our emotions and thoughts through the murky waters of mistrust. A more accurate statement might be that the pinnacle of a romantic relationship happens when we learn to deeply trust our partner and ourselves.