You just found out that your partner cheated and right about now you are probably wondering "Can I ever forgive him?" All of your well-meaning friends and family are telling you to "Get out now while you can. Once a cheater, always a cheater!" But there is a part of you that wonders if leaving is the best option. You think, 'Maybe there is something salvageable here.'
Personally, I'm shocked that the TV show The Bachelor and its sister show The Bachelorette are still going strong! The shows' longevity speaks to how focused we are, as a society, on the dating portion of romance. As a culture, we have turned the search for love into a competition, a game, entertainment ... when what we really need are stories and examples of what happens after two people find each other.
Preventing infidelity may be as simple as — and this seems obvious — telling the truth. Peggy Vaughn, author of the Myth of Monogamy, says that in order for couples to avoid an affair, they first have to accept that it is natural and normal to be attracted to other people. And if you find yourself fantasizing about someone other than your spouse, you should tell. Telling your partner would mean being honest about your feelings — not using the specific details to hurt your spouse — but to be open and honest about your concerns before they turn into something more.
Mary Kay Beckman found someone she was interested in dating. After going on a handful of dates with Wade Ridley, she decided that he wasn't a suitable companion. Unfortunately, this did not go over well with Mr. Ridley, and he began harassing and threatening Ms. Beckman through text messages. Circumstances escalated and one night when she arrived at her home in Las Vegas, Mr. Ridley viciously attacked her and almost killed her.
Many people assume affairs are a symptom of a larger problem in a relationship, but according to a recent statistic, "35 to 55 percent of people having affairs report they were happy in their marriage at the time of their infidelity."
As much as I value marriage and family, I often wonder if we are not fooling ourselves as a society that the institute of marriage is the defining factor or that the term marriage needs to be redefined itself. There are an overwhelming number of individuals that hit a wall in their marriage when the couples are in their forties. There is almost a biological time cap that is happening to marriage in this day and age and that is after a period of time the marriage moves into a comfortable friendship and is no longer sexy or even fun.
Dear Dr. Romance: I was dating this guy for about 2 years. During the time that we were together we had some good times and bad. For one he was cheating on me with another girl then we got back together. During that time we worked hard to make the relationship work then I found out that he was sleeping with someone else. When I found this out, I finally left him alone.
If you have not heard about the popularity of the novel series, Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L. James, than you are likely living under a rock. This romance novel's overnight smash popularity is an indication of several things. Number one, women enjoy sex. Number two, women do like erotica. And, number three, women enjoy their erotic adventures wrapped in a handsome fantasy and safely packaged in a monogamous relationship.
A new study finds that the evolution of monogamous couples is based on two important aspects: "Weak males with inferior fighting chops and the females who opted to be faithful to them." It's thanks to this behavior (in monkeys, naturally) that we have the modern family as we know it.
In comparison, the word "polyamory" was searched on Google 110,000 times worldwide. That's a whopping .030% looking for polygamous information online in one month. Are these stats an indicator of what kinds of relationships people are looking for? Or are they just numbers?
Men never cease to surprise me. No matter how often I write about trends in male sex preferences, cheating and other relationship-related news, the latest and greatest surveys always seem to throw a giant wrench in whatever conclusions my previous research had established. This year's annual Esquire sex survey is no different.
It is normal to feel comforted by the thought that our partner is never going to have sex with anyone else but us. Marriage can give us the illusion that our partner is bound by a legal agreement to never cheat. This comes from a long history of marriage as primarily a real estate contract, used purely as a way to perpetuate a name or lineage. But today, with birth control and DNA testing there is no longer a need to use the same harsh outside control. Today we expect to marry not for our names or for property, but for love and for desire.