Question: My question is this…how long do you wait to sleep with a man…one month, two months, more? Since my eventual goal is to be married, how do I know that the man I’m dating sees me in his future and not just as a nine-month, ten-month, or even one-night stand? ...Camille
MEN AND DATING
While I have been coaching both men and women for over a decade, what I really enjoy about coaching each gender is very different. What I love most about coaching women is feeling like I am getting to share with them all of the secrets about men that men never tell them. I have always loved being able to give women a tour inside the mind of a man, so that they truly understand men and how they're wired.
Question: I have been dating this widower, Bob, for about three months now. He has had a woman at work, Deborah, hitting on him. In fact, she pretty much has asked Bob to marry her. I told him he needs to tell her about me, but he said his personal life is none of her business. I began feeling insecure and pushed the issue of marriage, feeling that if she can ask and is not in a relationship with him than I should be at the top of the list for a proposal.
When we look at the divorce rate, the number of relationships that fall apart before people get married and people who stay together even though they are miserable, we might conclude that people go out of their way to wreck their relationships.
Below are just a few of the most desired traits that men look for in the women they want to be with for life.
Dating is a crazy business. It often involves putting oneself in the awkward position of having to make meaningful and engaging conversation with a virtual stranger while trying to assess if future encounters will be emotionally/physically/spiritually satisfying on any level. And you usually have to do this over dinner or drinks while trying desperately not to say something totally embarrassing or spray your date in the eye with lemon juice meant for your salmon, ice tea or Corona. Of course you know the things you try to avoid to keep a date running smoothly (
Women frequently ask me what guys are looking for in their relationships with the women in their lives. And although they may realize how uncomplicated guys are, they are still usually surprised by the simplicity of my answer. In general, men are looking for three things when they become involved romantically with a woman: 1) Sex 2) Comfort 3) Companionship
SEX, SEX, and more SEX. It comes up quite quickly in dating, many times from the first date. It lingers between both of your thoughts and you might be wondering when will be the right time to let all systems go? If you do sleep with him, will it mess up your chemistry and will he end of pulling away? Or, can it elevate the budding chemistry and feed the relationship? If you are looking to attract a long term relationship, here are some ideas to think about.
Recently I was coaching a woman on how to write her online profile. Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures. I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer . . . they want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women, so what is “hot” to one man will be totally different than what is “hot” to another.
Dating is a complicated ritual that most of us have engaged in at some point in our lives. And while many of us may find it awkward, tedious, and even downright frustrating, we nonetheless continue to do it because the drive to connect with another individual is so strong. But what are we looking for in our dating experience? What exactly is our motivation to go on a date? Good questions. And as you might suspect, men and women have decidedly different takes on this issue.
One-liners may initially get a woman’s attention; however, what are you doing to keep the conversation going? I often get asked by my male client’s how they can get more dates. I often ask why first. Why do you want to date women? If you’re just focused on numbers or sex, then you’re not going to get many numbers, or go on many second dates.