Men and women are different, especially when it comes to sex. While men are ready to go quickly, women need to get warmed up. YourTango expert Todd Reed offers men and women a few tips on how to slow down the Hare and speed up the Tortoise in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE AND SEX
This relationship coach and sex educator discloses the top 3 reasons couples don't have sex. You'll be surprised to learn that it's not what you think (porn). Do any of these relationship dynamics sound familiar?
Here's a scene from Seinfeld, the '90s' hilarious take on everyday minutae: Jerry: "You faked it?" Elaine: "I faked it." Jerry: "That whole thing, the whole production, it was all an act?" Elaine: "Not bad, huh?" Jerry: "What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?" Elaine: "Fake, fake, fake, fake."
He's come home from the doctor with a prescription for Viagra! What does it mean? Is he going outside our relationship for sex? Doesn't he want me any more? These are the questions that go through most women's heads when the little blue pill shows up. T
“You’ll never sleep again.” “You have no idea how tired you’ll be.” “Forget sex.” Expecting a baby? You’ve heard it all before. As a recent Wall Street Journal article put it, babies are “So Cute, So Hard on a Marriage.” According to the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, about two-thirds of
Like artichokes and caviar, it wasn't until well into adulthood that I acquired a taste for my parents' sex life. When I was a mother myself, I realized what a gift it was to know that my own parents had always had a robust sex life. And I want my kids, one day, to know the same thing about their own parents.
What a bad boring rap monogamy has in our sex-saturated society. We live in a society that values multiple sex partners and ignores the richness of monogamous marital sex. This isn't to say married sex is perfect. I used to hate married sex. When I was married for the first time long ago, sex was a bit of an issue. And before that I dide the casual sex thing, only to discover what many others discover (but rarely admit) – sex outside the covenant of marriage leaves in its path a battlefield of emotional, physical and spiritual wreckage.
I've been reading a book I wish I'd had when my first child was born: "And Baby Makes Three," by John Gottman and Julie Schwarz Gottman. The authors write about how parents can keep their relationship strong as they adjust to the challenges of parenthood. Most of the book is good solid advice on fighting well: remember you're on the same side, work things through, take a break when you need to. All of the conflict resolution skills you learn before you have kids but forget when you're sleep-deprived. The Gottmans have an insightful chapter on parents' sex lives, too. What I found most interesting was that couples who adjusted well kept touching each other affectionately, even when their sex drives were low. Other "secrets of couples whose sex life is going well" include: accepting that things have changed, communicating, indulging in quickies, and making time for "gourmet sex."
Hollywood rarely depicts sex accurately: near-instantaneous, always-simultaneous orgasms? Sheets that conceal only naughty bits? But they get at least one thing right: the act is often hot and the aftermath is often messy. And that's not even getting into polyamory or open marriage. Even the most fun threeway can wind up as complicated as Y Tu Mama Tambien or Wild Things. That Ky Henderson advises you set terms of a threesome to try to save feelings of jealousy and self-loathing and unpleasant realities like sexually transmitted disease and social stigma.