One of the best ways to reconcile personal differences is through couples therapy. Couples therapy helps you remove personal blind spots that get in the way of seeing yourself clearly.
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST
What’s with the quality time that everyone tries to accomplish with their families? Do you run yourselves ragged trying to cram a week’s worth of quality time into your evenings and weekends. As a result, you feel even more pressure and guilt because all this quality time has left no time for housework and the more mundane aspects of family life.
The family's innermost emotions and struggles came to light as they met with Dr. Nicki J. Monti, family therapist. Dr. Monti utilized the systems approach of family therapy to best understand the entire system of the family and how each individual member is impacted by the larger family system.
We call it "dropping the bomb" syndrome and it usually follows the same pattern: one partner believes their marriage is going along fine when the other suddenly announces it's over; finished, done, period. It turns out that things were far from fine; there was a lot of denial going on, a lot of saying 'yes' when you mean 'no' and a lot of unexpressed anger simmering just below the surface. When that simmer reaches a boil, the bomb drops. How can you know if your husband is really happily married? Is there a way to tell if your marriage is bomb proof? When he says "I love you" can you believe it? Here are ten ways to know he's happy in your marriage.
If your spouse is telling you "No way will I go to a therapist," all is not hopeless. Start with awareness of three wo common mistakes. Avoid these lest you inadvertently push your spouse away. Pushing him further from you would yield the opposite of your intent to make the marriage better.
You know the punch-lines to all his jokes. You're that couple who sit in a restaurant with nothing to say. At bedtime you never thought you'd be pretending to have a headache. "I can't make myself feel any different," one woman in my office told me tearfully. "The magic's gone."
I had been working with a couple on the concept of making amends and offering one another sincere apologies for ways in which they have hurt one another. He stated truthfully that he was not ready to offer an apology that was genuine because he still was not getting what he wanted and needed in this marriage. After further discussion, both people were able to see they have some deep roots of resentment and bitterness towards one another that they were not willing and able to release yet.
According to research by Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, while 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, 67 percent of second marriages and 74 percent of third marriages end in divorce. Is this surprising?
You don't have to be Scrooge to hate Christmas. In "A Christmas Carol" we learn that Ebenezer Scrooge used to be a nice boy who became bitter through parental neglect and brittle by his emotional dependence on his sister, who abandoned him by dying. Poor guy. He was the sad product of a dysfunctional family.
My partner and I are having another round of therapy to decide whether our relationship has any life left in it. It got me thinking about marriage counselors, relationship coaches and therapists. There are many talented people out there doing relationship work, but there are also many ineffective ones. I think an ineffective coach or therapist can do more harm than good, and I’ve identified a few things to look for.