If your spouse is telling you "No way will I go to a therapist," all is not hopeless. Start with awareness of three wo common mistakes. Avoid these lest you inadvertently push your spouse away. Pushing him further from you would yield the opposite of your intent to make the marriage better.
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST
You know the punch-lines to all his jokes. You're that couple who sit in a restaurant with nothing to say. At bedtime you never thought you'd be pretending to have a headache. "I can't make myself feel any different," one woman in my office told me tearfully. "The magic's gone."
I had been working with a couple on the concept of making amends and offering one another sincere apologies for ways in which they have hurt one another. He stated truthfully that he was not ready to offer an apology that was genuine because he still was not getting what he wanted and needed in this marriage. After further discussion, both people were able to see they have some deep roots of resentment and bitterness towards one another that they were not willing and able to release yet.
According to research by Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, while 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, 67 percent of second marriages and 74 percent of third marriages end in divorce. Is this surprising?
You don't have to be Scrooge to hate Christmas. In "A Christmas Carol" we learn that Ebenezer Scrooge used to be a nice boy who became bitter through parental neglect and brittle by his emotional dependence on his sister, who abandoned him by dying. Poor guy. He was the sad product of a dysfunctional family.
My partner and I are having another round of therapy to decide whether our relationship has any life left in it. It got me thinking about marriage counselors, relationship coaches and therapists. There are many talented people out there doing relationship work, but there are also many ineffective ones. I think an ineffective coach or therapist can do more harm than good, and I’ve identified a few things to look for.