Jennifer is stunned. Her long-term, live-in boyfriend, Rob, came home from work last night and announced to her that he is moving out temporarily because he needs some “space.” Rob's announcement took Jennifer completely by surprise. She knew that their relationship had its challenges and rough spots, but she felt like things between them were starting to even out. They hadn't been arguing as much lately.
MARRIAGE AND COMMUNICATION
Do love and marriage really go together like a horse and carriage? For some they do but for many they don't. Why not? Why does love seem to die away in so many marriages? At the beginning of most relationships that eventually lead to marriage, the couple falls in love and believes that this love will last forever.
If you've been paying any attention at all, you're keenly aware that happily married couples are an endangered species. You probably know the divorce statistics (50%) and when you go to the grocery store, you see the magazine covers highlighting the breakups of politicians, athletes, singers, and actors.
Do you find that you have a pattern of trying to hide your negative feelings from a man who isn't treating you the way you wish he would? When we women love a man and feel that his feelings for us are not as strong as ours are, we feel A LOT of intense, scary feelings, most of which are negative. We are bitter, sad, scared, anxious and even angry. We also feel like we have to hold these feelings inside. We feel we have to stuff them down, keep them under wraps, so that our man doesn’t get turned off by our draining emotions.
It can take less than three hours to have an affair. Yet once your affair becomes exposed, you can pretty much count on that sooner or later it will be public knowledge. You will fairly quickly start to feel that the topic will never end. You will find yourself drowning in a sea of endless repetitive questions, countless accusations and threats. Your name will be nominated as the favorite person to gossip abouut in your community. All this reflects the truth that affairs are much easier to get into than it is to resolve them within a marriage.
Studies and research will tell you that couples most often fight about two topics in particular: Sex and money; different ideas of what’s too little, too much or how these issues affect the couple. While these are real struggles that jeopardize the health of a relationship, the gaps that lie between partner needs and how to bridge them still aren’t the real reason why marriage is so darn hard. The answer lies in the “shift.”
The New York Times reported that over half of the births to US women younger than 30 occurred outside of marriage in 2009. Most of the ongoing rise of births to unmarried women occurred to couples living together but unmarried. So why don't these young women want to get married? New York Times experts speculate on a number of economic reasons in a follow-up article in the Motherlode section. They reported that many young parents said “they would like to be married but not now and not to each other.”
We all know how to communicate. If I stick my tongue out at someone they will get the gist of what I am communicating to them, however, their response may not be very positive and full clarity in our communication may never happen. To truly communicate in a way that other people can hear without defensiveness or heightened emotion is a skill. Slowing down and thinking about how you are getting your point across to someone while using these skills will help in all areas of your life, be it work, relationships or just trying to get your coffee order across at Starbucks.
Nobody likes to be criticized. Let's face it-- most of us overload ourselves with negative judgments a lot of the time. When your partner regularly lumps on his or her nags, put downs and “advice” for how you might do things better, it can be a heavy and crippling load to carry. The combination of your own criticisms with your partner's put downs can cause your self esteem to dip even lower and intensify conflict between the two of you.
I saw a short article today from Tiny Buddha called A Simple Prescription for Natural Healing. In it, Harriet Cabelly discussed her method of coping with her daughter's critical medical condition. It required a three-month drug-induced coma to overcome, so she was offered an anti-anxiety pill by the doctor early in the process. The author refused, preferring to pursue her own natural methods. In discussing her own prescription, Cabella reflected on the place of challenge in our lives. She wrote,
It had been a long week of work deadlines, unexpected car repairs, grumpy kids and more. Rita was looking forward to a relaxing dinner out with just she and her husband, Pete. Unfortunately, that was not to be. Pete's meeting ran late and traffic was slow. When he finally walked into the restaurant and joined Rita, he looked stiff and tightly wound. After the server got his order wrong, Pete broke. He began to shout and scream at the mortified young man who made the mistake. Pete demanded to talk to the restaurant manager and caused a huge scene.
Today is the perfect day to do a romantic life check-up, where you take account of what you have~and compare it to what you want. If it's off at all, this is a good time to assess if you are in the right relationship or not. One clue to knowing if you are with the wrong man, is to notice the patterns of your relationship.
Valentine's Day is the holiday for romance and romantic gestures. Why not take advantage of this day dedicated to love to improve your marriage? With a few simple switch-ups, you can put some practices in place that will improve your marriage for Valentine's Day and beyond!
Are you hearing this from your guy? “Valentine's Day is just a made up holiday to try to get me to spend money.” “All of this hearts and romance stuff turns my stomach.” “Sorry, honey, I'm just not much of a romantic.” “I tell you 'I love you,' why do I need to buy you expensive gifts too?” It seems that the Valentine's Day haters (including men and women) grow louder and louder every year. Are you in a relationship with one?
A recent study looked at the survival rates of patients who had undergone coronary artery bypass surgery. The results of this study were eye opening. It was discovered that people in happy marriages were 3.2 times more likely to survive 15 years after the surgery than their not so happily married counterparts. It was found that a happy marriage provided more emotional support and also a greater likelihood of adapting and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. A happy, satisfying marriage can be the biggest factor in our overall wellbeing and survival. Here are some of the b
Did you know that February 7th to 14th is National Marriage Week? According to the National Marriage Week website, National Marriage Week is a collaborative effort to encourage many diverse groups to strengthen individual marriages, reduce the divorce rate, and build a stronger marriage culture, which in turn helps curtail poverty and benefits children.
R.E.B.T. is based upon the idea that we feel the way we think, thus if we can change the way we think about events in our life, we can also change the way we feel. R.E.B.T. can be particularly helpful in strengthening relationships. It is a fairly simple concept that contains the letters A-B-C-D. Here is how it works!