As a Life Coach, I hear all sorts of dating disasters and problems in marriage and relationships. Most of these issues are rooted in a lack of communication and lack of integrity from one or more of the people involved. Good communication eliminates assumptions, misunderstandings and arguments that could have altogether been avoided. The word "integrity" is defined as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions, stemming from the Latin adjective integer, meaning whole or complete. It is important to maintain integrity in life so that pe
An Interview with Lorraine, a 65 year old Cab Driver with a 40 year marriage under her (seat)belt.
A long hard day dwindled down to me walking my sorry butt into a car service station in Park Slope, Brooklyn and buying a ride home. An older women, in her mid-late 60s, is the driver. She wears her bleach blonde hair in a small high pony tail atop her head with a bright pink scrunchie and has these fantastic thick black glasses with a hearing aide. She is stunning. Oh and she has a GPS, as she states several times throughout the ride home, because 'I get lost all the time.'
Carista Luminare on the depths, challenges, and glories of a committed relationship.
The Depth of a Man
I was greeted this morning by a love note from my beloved. He had written an essay about love, and read it to me. Of his love for me, he said, “It is deep and profound, like the ocean."
I felt undulating waves of affection rise up through me as I heard his words. I embraced his tenderness, his love, and the depth and glory of him. Every woman wants to be loved this way!
Would you love to bring the spark back in your marriage and have a happy husband for a change?
Have you been married for years and you'd love to bring that spark back into your marriage?
What if you could make your husband happy? Would you do it?
I have a very inspiring success story to share with you today. It's from Kathy, one of my wonderful coaching clients. But before we go any further, it's good to note that I actually do not offer "relationship coaching" services. True!
Ever reflect on an argument and ask yourself, “What on earth was I thinking when I said that?!”
Ever reflect on an argument and ask yourself, “What on earth was I thinking when I said that?!” Well, the field of social neuroscience is providing answers to help us understand our outbursts. Our brains have two almond-shaped masses called amygdalae that are in charge of processing our emotional reactions. The amygdalae regulate our fight or flight response, which was created as a survival mechanism to allow us to react quickly to stimuli before giving our rational brain time to interpret the stimuli. In critical situations, our amygdalae respond
How much sharing is too much? How to decide what to share with our mates.
I was posed a question which I find interesting. “Would you like to know if someone hit on me during the day?” Not in a “this is sexual harassment, I need you to beat this guy down,” kind of way, but in a “would something like that be too much information to share,” kind of way. The point of the question is essentially, “Are there some things we should not share within our relationship?”
Many of us dream of living happily ever after just like what happens in the fairy tales. We like to believe that after kissing many frogs and finding “the one”, everything would be smooth sailing. Completing this fantasy would be a perfect wedding followed by a romantic honeymoon to an exotic destination. It wouldn’t hurt to have a house with a white picket fence, 2.2 children and perhaps a pet dog. Years later, this illusion of happiness would shatter with the D-word.
It's not the words you say to your lover, it's how you say them, your tone, the look on your face.
Joseph Campbell in The Power of Myth once said there are three categories of things in life. Things that can’t be talked about. Words we use to describe things that can’t be talked about. And the boring blah blah that we inflict on each other every day.
“It’s my way or the highway!”
This is what’s often implied when people set boundaries. A harsh and rigid message that says, “Either you stop and do things MY way or else!”commonly underlies a communicated boundary, even if this wasn’t the intention.
When you decide to set a boundary, it’s usually when a minor irritation or annoyance has grow bigger. A behavior or dynamic that you’ve tried to ignore has become more intense and more upsetting and you’re ready for a change.
8 important things you should look for when seeking Brief Solution Focused Therapy
A Solution Focused Therapist will:Look for openings to help couples discover solution building rather than problem definition language.
Encourage couples to stretch more for each other so they can experience easier, more flexible give and take in their day to day relations.
Help couples create new meanings and new ways of understanding old problems.
Encourage lovers to own their own agendas without hiding from each other or going underground.