Helen Fisher, “Anatomy of Love and The Sex Contract.,” is required reading in many graduate programs for future Marriage and Family Therapists. Helen Fisher is a Biological Anthropologist who has studied the human brain in love. Some of her findings indicate that we are genetically predisposed in certain ways depending upon whether we were born female or male, and that chemistry does, in fact, play an important role.
LOVE & FEELINGS
Aside from being a relationship expert in private practice, I also teach at a local university. Recently, I had the opportunity to teach a class on Relationships and Marriage. A great deal of the material is devoted to providing proper expectations. One of the students said that she felt the course should be mandatory for all college students. I believe many of us in the field would agree with her.
"Is there a break up in your past that was hard to get over?" "No, I'm fine. I make it a point to never have regrets and I just put them behind me." said the beautiful still-single-at-40 attorney sharply. I could tell she was a little annoyed. "I see." I said. "How many breakups are behind you?" "Six, but what does that have to do with my Love Magnet." "Let me show you," I said to her gently. (Want to peek over my shoulder and listen in?)
Love is a tricky thing. It can change you in a good way and a bad way. When you have had failed relationships more than successful ones; it is easy to close yourself off even when someone who enters your life who would be perfect for you. I have never truly been in love. I have thought in the past that I was in love twice, but now that I revisit those memories and relationships I realize that those weren't true love. They were faux relationships.Most of them used me for my kindness and took advantage of how giving I am.
In the previous article we discussed the dilemma that living with an alcoholic is like living with two people, the one that you chose as your partner and the drinker that brings problems to the household. In this article we will start to look at things that you can do to make your life better and deal with this dilemma.
Over the past few weeks, you have communicated via email and telephone with someone you're interested in. It's obvious that there's "phone chemistry" and a mutual interest in meeting each other. You agree to meet in person. And now, for the moment of truth! Here are five rules of dating you simply must follow.
Living with, and loving, an alcoholic is never an easy position to be in. There is little or no support for your choice to stay with him (or her). In fact if you let people into what is happening in your life the overwhelming response is almost certainly suggestions to get out, run, dump him. Probably this is advice that is unwelcome and most certainly not what you want to hear.
Gratitude is a simple practice with a powerful effect. Make gratitude your basic thought throughout the day. When you think with gratitude, you speak, move and vibrate with gratitude. The recipient of your gratitude becomes more loving, affection and happy. Try it out with your partner. As both a counselor and a human, I have seen this work wonders time and time again!
The only way to truly get into a man’s heart is to let him into yours. A man can lust after a hot body, a sassy attitude and a li’l red lipstick, but the best way to attract him and keep his interest is to give him a reason to deeply care for you. Learning how to share your vulnerability with men will help you build a powerful love connection with that special man. What Do I Mean By Your Vulnerability?
Last week, I had a three-hour intensive session with a client, during which we talked through how my client, Kerry, owns her own business and feels like she is constantly working hard at her job and in her personal relationships. She is tired of being single and wants to feel supported in her life by a man she loves. And while I completely understand what she was saying, a red flag went up for me when she said she consistently feels like she has to do it all on her own.
The Olympics start tomorrow, and I can’t wait! I am jumping out of my skin with excitement for the opening ceremony. I was watching Oprah’s Next Chapter last Sunday, where she salutes Super Star Olympians. One of my favorite interviews was with Carl Lewis who is a former track athlete and has won 10 Olympic medals. Holy shit! Yes 10, nine of which were gold. He said something so profound that I HAD to share it with all of you. I was inspired.
Irresistible You in the Bedroom may start with Irresistible You in the Kitchen. Maybe we should take a hint from the French. No other culture on the planet puts sex and food together in the same sentence, let alone the same room.
Living with an alcoholic often brings emotional overload, anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness and betrayal and many more. Some of these emotions are responses to the events happening at that moment or recently and they can pass. However there are other emotions that are often rooted very deep in the partners of drinkers in particular guilt and shame.
Ever wonder what Hollywood romances look like off screen? Many of us just eat up the provocative, juicy love scenes most stars emote on screen. We think they, or the characters they portray, have true romance all figured out. If that were the case, the divorce rate among the stars would be considerably lower.
One of the central pillars of Alanon is the belief that you are powerless over the drinker. For many who join Alanon this comes as a relief, as they are told – “you didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it”. Anything that removes the guilt and shame that people living with an alcoholic feels is a good thing in our book.