This is one of those abilities that I feel quite fortunate to have yet, disappointed by how I came to obtain. I'm referring to the skill of recognizing a cheater. Never once having done so myself, I have dated enough of them to be alert of the trouble headed my way so that I can avoid being duped again and save others from the same heartache to boot.
Preparing for a first date is no easy task. Not wanting our first impression to be our last, we will go to extremes to feel our most fabulous selves. We commonly tell ourselves little lies in the hopes of finding our Prince Charming, but here's why you should stop believing in them.
Divorce is a hard time for everyone. And on top of all of the emotions you're experiencing, you'll hear lots of untrue things about splitting up. Take advice from this divorce coach and listen to your intuition: you know what's best for you.
Learn how to create an environment where you and your partner can be honest. When lies happen, learn how to talk about them, ask about the truth, and move on.
In the immortal words of famed rapper Jay-Z, No matter where you go, you are who you are player! Whether the scandal is going on in your community or within; what happens in the dark will come to light. Mama’s all over the world, including my own, are fond of warning their children to be conscious and aware that anything that they do in private, it could possibly get out to the public. Remember, each thought and action is planting a seed and what you plant now will determine what you will reap later. Stop telling yourself that the drama you create
No one gets into a serious relationship thinking it won't last. When you find someone you can trust and feel safe with, you naturally imagine growing old together. But all too often really good relationships that should last forever just fall apart. Why does that happen? It's often because of three common communication mistakes that, if not caught in time, will tear two people apart.
As a couples therapist, one situation I’m confronted with often is when a relationship is shaken up by the discovery of a lie. It’s not always infidelity, but that is a classic example. In that first session with a couple who sees me after the discovery of an affair, both partners usually agree on what the problem is – one partner wronged the other, and that person typically sits in my office sheepishly, overcome by guilt, shame, and a vague sense of relief that the truth is finally out.
The traditional liar found on dating websites is the guy who tells you he's 30 and single, when he's really 39, and married with 12 kids. It is also the girl who appears to look a lot like Uma Thurman, and when you finally meet in person, you realize her profile picture was indeed... Uma Thurman, as she looks more like Woody Allen, with a bigger bald spot. These impostors probably cause enough woe in your dating life. However, there is an even worse traitor whom you are very likely dealing with... yourself!
Many of us tell small lies to avoid conflict, consequences and judgment. When your partner asks whether the blouse you're wearing is new, you tell a little white lie to avoid a conflict about finances. No, this blouse isn't new, I've had it for years, you say, when in fact you bought it last week. You didn't get to the cleaner today but want to avoid the judgment about your failure to take responsibilities seriously, so you fib, I had to work through lunch today, when in fact, you had lunch with your sister.
If you are someone who occasionally lies, you know where your line is. You know when you feel it’s OK to tell a lie, and when you feel you must be truthful. But here's the problem: No one else will ever know where you draw that line. If you lie about even the littlest thing, your spouse or significant other will wonder about everything you say. You will never be able to articulate to your partner how you come to the decision to lie. And just as important, you will never be able to justify it.
You know how you make healthy New Year's resolutions every year like "eat more broccoli" or "actually use my gym membership?" You might even make these resolutions before the new academic year picks up in September, or before your schedule gets more hectic in the fall after the lazy days of August. Well, this year, add a new one to the list: "Don't tell lies."
In a recent study, at the University Of Notre Dame, Anita Kelly, a Psychology Professor, reported that when peoples lies went up during the week, their health went down. Conversely, she reported that when people’s lies decreased, their overall health improved. This is amazing news, connecting our emotional life with our physical wellbeing. Anyone who has ever attended a 12 step meeting knows that addiction and lies go hand in hand.
It’s understandable that couples are wary about bringing up sensitive topics. The avoidance of pain and distress are major motivators to go into hiding. But too much avoidance can lead to marital corrosion. So how can this difficult problem be managed? Because of the extra length, this month’s column is divided into two parts with the second part finishing next month.