Allowing a hookup to take precedence in your life will derail you from a meaningful relationship because you'll be growing feelings for a man who is not boyfriend material. This expert explains why casual sex rarely leads to love.
When asked in one of my workshops to give a statement that described an ideal relationship, a participant said “He gives me what I want before I can ask for it.” The other women in the room replied “Does that even exist?” I told them and I’ll tell you, I can attest to the fact that it does. It’s all about being willing to give and trusting that you will receive.
You know you are in a good relationship if you both bring out the best in each other. Do you remember in the film 'As Good as It Gets' when Jack Nicholson’s character tells Helen Hunt’s character why he thinks they should be together? He says to her, “You make me want to be a better man.” Well, that’s what I’m talking about here!
So you're cruising along in an amicable relationship, and you're wondering if, at 6 months or a year into it, your man has long-term relationship potential. After all, if a long-term relationship or marriage is what you're ultimately looking for, you might have to take stock of your relationship early on before you get too far in — involved, in love, in debt or in denial.
My client Kendra met Mike through an online dating site. The first date went great. Kendra found Mike attractive, a good conversationalist and friendly. She felt comfortable with him and thought he had serious potential. Mike sent Kendra an email the next day saying he had a nice time. Then, three days later, he emailed Kendra offering to cook dinner for her. This proposition put Kendra in a quandary.
As couples plan a wedding, they all too often let the wedding details take precedent over the relationship. Once upon a time, there were dinner dates, texts to say “I love you,” and hand holding. But, now, dinner means menu tastings, texts are sent to the wedding planner and hand holding is out of the question. Instead, a bride’s hands are full of clipboards, wedding notebooks and smart phones.
I do know the one fundamental thing that keeps a relationship together. And I'm sure that almost everyone reading this knows it already, too. Maybe, you just haven't thought about your knowing it. It's the one thing that determines how long a relationship lasts, whether it's a marriage, a friendship, or any other kind of relationship.
Are you in a rocky relationship? Feeling resentful, anxious, distant, or lonely in your situation? Whether you have been dating for two months or married for 10 years, things can go south all too easily in a couple. Yet there is nothing quite as painful as when things are falling apart, when you know that your love might be lost forever. Can I turn it all around, you wonder? Is it even possible now?
I was walking down the street one day when an elderly couple caught my eye. They were holding hands and still looked at each other with loving affection. The husband even stole a kiss from his "girl" as they walked into the ice cream shop. I was so drawn to the couple that I decided to stop in the ice cream shop myself. At some point, we struck up a conversation. They told me they had been married for 60 years. I asked them what their secret was. Here is what they told me.
In the last few years social scientists and therapists who practice emotionally focused therapy (or EFT) have made a breakthrough. Now, at the beginning of the 21st century, we have a map to this passion, this fever that has baffled poets and lovers all through human history. When you have a blueprint for love you can build it. In EFT studies seven out of ten couples repair their relationship. Love doesn't have to be a mystery anymore.