When you're the parent who doesn't live with your kids full time, it's important to let them know, every chance you get that you love them and they are the most important things in your life.
Adults love to give kids warnings when a rule is broken and would love to believe warnings are a highly compassionate method of parenting, a reflection of our loving and kind humanity. But guess what? Warnings may be the farthest thing from true compassion. Though almost always well-intentioned, warnings will routinely backfire. Here are the main reasons why:
When I was a child, it seemed like every adult in my zip code had an uncanny skill for making a “mountain out of a molehill.” In other words, of taking the smallest shred of negativity and amplifying all the tyranny and rottenness that shred of negativity may have implied. Before I go any further, let me give credit where credit is due. Exaggeration—the ability to weave a grand story out of next to nothing—is a very creative endeavor. It takes a keen eye, creative determination, and a lofty ability to wax poetic on all that is wrong.
Failed time-outs can be a huge source of frustration for parents and teachers, making them question their skills and abilities, and leading to the belief that they need to escalate severity to get consequences to work. This can easily result in stronger and stronger reprimands, lectures, and even yelling, along with more and more drastic and punitive consequences. This is typically a recipe for disaster. There is a much better way. Really understanding why time-outs don’t work is the place to begin.
So many kind and thoughtful parents are trying so hard to simply have a lovingly positive impact on their child, only to see the child slip further and further into the realm of being “challenging.” This is so prevalent, even among the best and brightest parents. Difficult child behavior comprises a quiet epidemic – the kind that brings so many to their knees.
There is a quiet despair among so many loving, smart, and deeply caring parents. They so desire to see their children manifest their greatness, to use their intensity well instead of having it go awry, and too often they see their best efforts to inspire respectful and responsible choices slip away to further levels of frustration.
I used to think that if something didn’t turn out right (cake batter or laundering a stained blouse, say) the way to apply a fix was to add something. More flour to the batter. An applique over the stain. I’d like to say those solutions worked, but we both know better. So why do we seek to add a BIG COMPLICATION to an already-complicated situation? I’m not talking returning a dog to the pound because he digs under the fence. Or changing your mind about that four grand worth of furniture.
Newsflash: TV doesn't depict reality and we're all disappointed. I bring up the issue because I think that there *is* an accurate depiction of marriage on TV—it's just disguised behind the blood, gore, murder and fictitious science of crime procedurals.
On Saturday May 26, 2012, my oldest daughter graduated from high school and she's off to college in the fall, leaving the nest. This summer is probably the last time she'll be living at home for the rest of her life. Sure, she'll come home over the holidays and summer break, but most of that time is spent going out with friends and catching up on the happenings in their lives. From this point forward, my baby is going to be out in the real world on her own. Am I nostalgic thinking back about the time we spent together? Heck yes. Am I sad? Yes, but excited for the adventure she is about to embark on. Am I worried? No way! Let me share with you a true story involving a little boy and a little girl that happened many years ago but still moves me to tears when I tell it.
Let me ask you a couple questions. How many stressed out, unhappy, and directionless adults do you know? Now answer the same question but replace adults with kids 12 and younger. It’s a much smaller list isn’t it? I’ll bet a lot of the kids on your list are related to the adults from the first question. Coincidence? I think not.
Divorce and Childrearing: How Parents Can Nurture and Protect Their Kids Most parents who are in the process of considering or pursuing divorce are deeply worried about the effects the divorce will have on their children. And the concern is justified. Divorce is one of the most difficult life events that you and your children will ever experience, according to the well validated Holmes and Rahe Stressful Life Events Scale created by the two psychiatric researchers in 1967.
As a Mum, I am often concerned about my child's development and even though I have little influence of what is happening day to day at school, there are some things that I do have a say in and that is the home environment. One of my dearest friend's who has 3 grown children said to me recently that the only thing that she thought she was able to teach her children was manners. Yes, she is English as well, and any of you who know us Brits know that manners are really important to us. Unless of course you are watching a soccer match or rioting!
Don’t teach your kids what to think… teach them how to think. The process of thinking is actually the process of asking questions. Questions do two things: 1, they stimulate responses. 2, they guide the focus of whoever is involved in those questions. So, if you’re not getting good answers (or any answers at all), ask different and better questions. How many times have your kids asked you a question from their homework? How many times have your kids asked you what to do in a particular situation? How many times have you told them the answer?
Every year, millions of children grieve over their parents' divorce, but new research says that the experience can compromise their math scores and friendships as well.
A recent study out of Israel suggests a man's oxytocin levels may actually be on par with their wives/girlfriends during the child rearing process. Researchers drew blood from 80 couples who were raising a six-week old baby and found identical amounts in their blood stream. As the child matured to six months, the scientists once again analyzed the levels and found the same result. It seems that a mother and father's oxytocin levels rise together while they watch their wee one grow.
I’m smack in the middle of my 30s and recently married. For some childless women my age, this is tick-tick-tick time. However, while other women may be intimately in touch with their ovulation cycles, I’m in no hurry to have kids now, if ever. My old man and I have talked about it, but we’re both horrified by how much our lives would have to change—not to mention how big a pain in the ass kids are for, oh, say, 18 years.