Just recently my boyfriend broke up with me. I made the mistake of crying to him about it. He still talks to me though whenever i text him. He always answers back. He even answers when we talk on the phone. Throughout the relationship we never had a fight, everything is perfect. He told me that he loved me and wanted to marry me and we even went to look at rings. He is the guy that i have been waiting for my whole life and he is everything that i have ever said that i have wanted in a guy.
I had been with my boyfriend almost 2 years. He broke up with me last week saying he didn't feel like he could trust me because I still have contact with my son's father. My sons father doesnt pay support so in exchange he offered to help give me money for household bills and such when I needed. I took advantage of this only a few times, but I didnt tell my boyfriend about it. He has been extremely jealous of my sons father the entire time weve been together, almost threatened.
My fiance of 3 years broke up with me three weeks ago because he said we fought too much. The only reason we fought was usually because I wanted him to spend time with me and he just wanted to hang out with his friends. I didn't mind him hanging with them, but I occasionally wanted time alone with my fiance. Towards the latter part of the relationship he just became a bit distant, and our work hours were conflicting, so we didn't see each other but maybe an hour a day. It just took a toll on me, and we had very little intimacy, which made me feel undesired.
“I like hugs and I like kisses, but what I really love is help with the dishes!” ~Author Unknown For years the most significant and unresolved conflict that lived between my husband and I had to do with the division of labor in our home. In fact, this is one of the top mechanisms of dissatisfaction and ultimate destruction of many long-term partnerships.
The dynamics of a great kiss are multi-layered and complex “A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That’s basic spelling that every woman ought to know.” -Jeanne Bourgeois If ever there was a communication mechanism that predicted the destiny and longevity of a romantic interlude, it is the kiss. What we say with our kisses, as well as how they are received and understood is the basis for all the sexual conversations that they initiate.
The Marriage Puzzle: To Be Or Not To Be? This month I had a pleasure of being invited to a beautiful wedding. This invitation came over just a few weeks after the one of my young clients showed up in my office with a huge uncertainty about herself, her future life and most importantly, a big confusion about her previous relationship. This is what she sent me after this session:
By Susie and Otto Collins Julia is bored. She's worked at the same job for 10 years now. She's lived in the same town for almost her entire life. She's dated the same guy for 5 years. Sure, she loves her boyfriend, Dave, and she doesn't want to break up with him. But, she misses those early days of their relationship when everything was a fabulous and delightful surprise. Dave used to show up at her office and “kidnap” her for an extended lunch break that often included heavy make-out sessions in his car.
I’m seeing an epidemic of “porn addiction” in my office. Not of porn addiction, but of “porn addiction.” Here’s how it looks: Wife/girlfriend somehow assumes that husband/boyfriend does NOT watch porn (guess that’s what she means by “he’s one in a million”). One day, his porn watching comes to her attention (he leaves something on the screen, she searches his website history, he gets an email or bill from some friendly porn site, etc.). She freaks.
How you feel about losing your virginity depends… are you a guy or girl? The morning after can be difficult no matter if you are a guy or a girl, but it seems to be more difficult for girls than guys. A study from researchers at Pennsylvania State University reports male university students' body images improved after having sexual intercourse for the first time, while the opposite pattern was found with females.
“Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still.” — Robert Sternberg The question of whether intimacy and love-making should be spontaneous or planned is one that gets between many couples. The essence of the issue is that many believe that spontaneous combustion sex, the kind that drives the very early phases of biological pairing, is the real McCoy and that other types of planned intimacy are somehow less than.
According to the 22,000 people who took the Power of Attraction survey, men and women have pretty similar view on how to reignite attraction in a relationship. Both genders say talking about the relationship and going on a date are the top methods or rekindling the spark. But as we continued to analyze the results, we found that there were some significant differences in what guys and gals thought would turn up the heat. “I can’t imagine ever being like that with you,” John said. He meant it... for the first few months. The new couple went to concerts, museums and took long walks around the city. But less than a year into the relationship, a familiar pattern emerged. “Our relationship had become the dreaded ‘dinner and sex,’” says Amy. “Well, no. Dinner and watching a mind-numbing amount of TV and sex.” And fighting about how they “never did anything anymore.” So what happened? Was John growing boring, because he was already bored?
Research shows that less than about 40% of women can actually achieve orgasm during intercourse alone. This may give rise to sexual frustration and may have a negative impact on a relationship. If you are among women who fail to achieve orgasm during intercourse, you are definitely not alone. For those men who are able to make their female partners orgasm during sex, this does not mean you are not performing well or are at fault.
In our intimate relationships, it's easy to get emotionally triggered, and this often descends into unhappiness and arguments. It doesn't have to, though. Here's a quick and effective way to avoid getting into quarrels with your partner: the "do-over." Here's how it works: let's say your partner says or does something that triggers you. For instance, you say, "I'll do the dishes today," and he (or she) responds with "Good!" Not the answer you were hoping for, right? So what are your options?
A colleague, Wendy Strgar, has written a book -- really more a collection of short essays -- called Love That Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy. While it's a soulful, thoughtful and very worthwhile work, I'm not mentioning it here to plug it so much as to note the delightful double meaning of the subtitle: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy. As in, how to make intimacy last, and how to tolerate all that pain!
I'll start with a radical statement: we are delusional, each and every one of us. Culturally delusional, too. How so? Because we have this notion of a single, unitary self when that's not actually what we are. This has profound and subtle effects on how we are, and who we are, in our intimate relationships.