“Sex without foreplay is like song’s reff without intro.” — Toba Beta I have been grappling with the statistic that the average amount of foreplay that couples engage in is between 1-4 minutes, as reported on a recent Dr. Oz segment.
My wife and I tried swinging several years ago. It was exciting and fun to plan dates and it brought up surprising aspects of our sexuality. It also brought up some powerful emotions, which we were able to work through, although after some of the couples we were dating dropped us, the experience hit my wife really hard and we stopped not only swinging, but having sex altogether.
Just when I thought we could no longer be surprised by sex research, a new study by the Kinsey Institute for Sex Gender and Reproduction yielded a set of unusual findings. Contrary to popular opinion, this new study found that men, who kiss and cuddle, are three times more happy than those who don’t. Imagine that. In other words, men who were more in touch with their kinder, gentler, “coochier” side were more likely to experience satisfaction in their long term relationships.
For a Healthy Relationship, Never Say No to Cuddling When couples come to see me with their first complaint being that they haven’t had sex in several months, there is palpable tension. They panic, and search for reasons why. When sex is going well, it is 5% of the relationship. However, when sex isn’t going well, it may become 95% of the relationship. A recent study reported in the Daily Mail suggested that more important than sex for a couple’s happiness and health is cuddling. Cuddling provides many benefits besides a sense of security and closeness.
Research indicates that over 55% of married women are not interested in having sex with their husbands. I've worked with many men who also are not interested in sex with their wives. The problem is generally not a lack of sexual desire - it's that they are not interested in sex with their partner. Why?
We all give every day—to our partners, friends, family, neighbors, jobs and community. While it's healthy and vital to help the ones we love, many of us struggle to balance these needs with our own. This can lead to trouble: either we become too self-absorbed, or we find it hard to say "No" to others in order to have a little "me" time. As part of our Love Starts Within spotlight, we asked some of our Experts to share their advice on how to grapple with these demands from multiple angles:
“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.” -Jonathon Kozol Most of the arguments that couples have about their sex lives are not about sex. Sex is the container, where we are most acutely aware of the spaces in our relationship that fail to connect, that make us feel small, unloved, invisible, and that reflect our deepest conflicts.
“There is a secret about human love that is commonly overlooked: Receiving it is much more scary and threatening than giving it. How many times in your life have you been unable to let in someone’s love or even pushed it away? Much as we proclaim the wish to be truly loved, we are often afraid of that, and so find it difficult to open to love or let it all the way in.” –John Welwood
During my many years of counseling couples, I have frequently worked with the sexual problems that often occur in committed relationships. The most common complaint from men regarding sex is frequency, and the most common complaint from woman is lack of emotional intimacy. There is a very good reason why these are the most common complaints - men and women are very different when it comes to sex!
There was a lot of talk several years ago that a single woman over 40 years of age had a better chance of being blown up in a terrorist attack than finding a healthy marriage partner. Times have changed, and 40 year-old women no longer look 40 and terrorist attacks are more frequent. The saying has lost its “punch” and you seldom hear this phrase anymore. I have gone to more weddings where the bride and groom are both over 40 years of age, and/or one of them is over 40 and the other is 39 and holding.
Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.
“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” ~Mohandas K. Gandhi “The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time….” James Taylor’s voice crooned in my head. This is a chorus that I am thankful to hear over and over again. In fact the older I get, the more that this simple truth has meaning. There really is no where that we are getting to and no arriving at a destination that defines us.
“The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions.” -Thich Nhat Hanh The majority of relationships fail from our collective inability to make peace with each other. We watch our long-term investments of loving connection wither on the vine rather than take the courageous steps of seeking reconciliation. We are confounded by our egos into believing that being right makes us stronger than being loving.
What type of kiss is appropriate for a first date—cheek, forehead, lips, French, high school makeout slober fest? YourTango Experts psychologist Dr. Adam Sheck and best-selling author Julie Spira get into the dos and donts of the first kiss. Is it okay for the woman to lean in for the kiss if her guy is too shy?
Me and my ex boyfriend had been together for 3 years when things started changing (that's how I came across your article, trying to find out how to win your ex boyfriend back. At first it was me who was feeling the cracks - things like we didn't go out very often and we had fallen into a weekly routine which made it feel like the sparkle was missing from our relationship.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. We fell in love instantly and very deeply, for both of us it was faster and deeper than before, and we both never loved anyone so much. I wanted to follow up on your how to get a guy back article, particularly about long distance stuff.
Me and my ex were inseperable for 6 years, we were crazy in love, lived together, tried on rings. We were part of each other's family, we considered ourselves a 'little practice family'. He found me when I was, more or less, homeless and kind of a loser. He invested in me, got me back on my feet, it was wonderful. I went back to college, got a full scholarship and have done phenomenally. We had planned to marry after college and went house shopping.