Discover Your "Type" (It Really Exists)


helen fisher personality type
In dating and marriage personality type determines who makes a good match, says Helen Fisher.

In your book you describe "the five part pickup." Can you explain what that is?
I have two friends who spent over a thousand hours in singles bars watching men and women pick each other up, and as it turns out there are five basic phases to the pickup.

The first thing that happens is that you walk into the bar and you set up a territory. A man will set his coat along the back of his chair, set out his cigarettes and his blackberry and he'll build a territory around himself—a woman will too, around a table.


Number two, you draw attention to yourself. Men will stir their drink with the whole arm or laugh very loudly. Women do things with their hair, go over to the jukebox, talk to the bartender.

Then, step three, at some point either the man or the woman moves into the other one's territory and starts to talk. Talking is a really important escalation point. If you open you're mouth and you've got the wrong accent or if you're too brusque, immediately the pickup will end. If you say "hiiii," it's entirely different than if you say "HELLOW."

Touch is the fourth point. Very often it's the woman who touches first. She'll casually brush his shoulder and say, "Did you see the game last night?" Or "What did you do when Barack Obama was being inaugurated?" If he winces, she'll never try again. If he does nothing, she might try one other time. The best pickup is when he casually taps her back on the shoulder and says "Yeah, I did see the game," or "Yeah, I was there for Obama's speech."

Then we get to the fifth part, which is called initiative transfer. He's either got to put his arm around her or ask her to dance or ask her to come home and watch television with him, and those are the ones that go home together.