Discover Your "Type" (It Really Exists)


helen fisher personality type
In dating and marriage personality type determines who makes a good match, says Helen Fisher.

Two Explorers are never going to have a fight over how you mop the floor because they're both enormously flexible. Two Builders will create a marriage that will last 50 years, but they'll bicker over the way you mop the floor because each one has the right way of doing something. I got a note from a friend of mine recently who had just gotten married and it said, "My husband and I just had a battle last week over how to lay down a rug, and last night we had a real fight over how to cook a turkey." Two Explorers aren't going to have that. They'll say, "Well, we'll eat it anyway you like."

The oddest match would be two Directors. They're both workaholics so they won't spend a lot of time with each other and neither has good people skills. But as long as they continue to think "this person is the cat's meow," they'll be able to sustain the relationship.


So, I've figured out my personality type. What next? How is it helpful?
Once you know your personality type you can help yourself out on the dating scene. For example, Explorers are so charismatic and interesting and charming that people fall in love with them too fast. I say to them, go slower, don't leap into things because you’re going to get into trouble.

They're also spontaneously generous. I know a man recently who had a wonderful lunch with a woman and so he sent her a dozen long-stem red roses even though he was madly in love with someone else. The woman who received the roses was taking him seriously and ended up very hurt even though he was just being generous and kind.

The Builder tends to follow rules and schedules, but you've got to take some risks when you're dating. They're also very social and very network-y so they'll take a new date to meet all their friends when the date might just want to spend the night with them.

The Director often thinks dating is a pain in the neck. They want to get to the point. They also make up their mind too fast so in the middle of the date, if they realize this isn't going anywhere for them, they can be very rude. They've got to relax

The Negotiator is so flexible, so agreeable, so kind, so compassionate that people will interpret them as a doormat. They've got to stick up for themselves. The Negotiator sees the nuance in everything, but they've got to take it back and just not over-think everything.