Discover Your "Type" (It Really Exists)
In dating and marriage personality type determines who makes a good match, says Helen Fisher.
What's your type? Talk, dark and handsome? Short, bald and chubby? Muscular, unavailable and angry? How about Explorer, Builder, Negotiator or Director? These are the four personality types that anthropologist Helen Fisher coined during her research into why we fall in love with certain people but not others. According to Fisher, interpreting these types can help you navigate the dating ocean and net the perfect tuna (or man, if that's what you prefer).
Fisher, author of Why We Love: the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, built on her investigation of genetics and neurochemistry for her latest book, Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type. The tome offers detailed portraits of each personality genre, a quiz that reveals your personality category, and information about the species of man you fit with. Take the quiz online, here.
For Fisher, "the most important thing about this book is not just understanding who you are, but using who you are. All four types make mistakes that they could avoid if they knew more about the type that they are." YourTango spoke with Fisher about fighting over mopping the floor, what doodles say about your love life, and the consequences of choosing the wrong type (hint: it's not so bad).
Why did you write this book?
Match.com came to me in the end of 2004 and asked me "Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another?" And I said, "I don't know. Nobody knows." We do know that we tend to fall in love with people from the same socioeconomic background, same general level of intelligence, same general level of good looks. Your childhood plays a role; timing plays a role; proximity plays a role. But you can walk into a room, ready to fall in love and everybody's from your background, has same general level of intelligence and good looks—and you don't fall in love with any of them. So I began to think maybe biology plays a role.
How did you come up with the four personality types?
I looked at the genetic literature and as it turns out there are only a few chemicals that seem to be directly related to personality traits. I came to believe we've evolved four very broad personality styles associated with the chemicals dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen and oxytocin. And these four chemical types I call the Explorer, the Builder, the Director, and the Negotiator. On Chemistry.com, the dating site that I built with Match.com, I studied 40,000 people to figure out more about these four basic types.
The Explorer, who expresses activity in the dopamine system, tends to be risk-taking, novelty-seeking, curious, creative, spontaneous, energetic, enthusiastic, optimistic.
Discussion
There's no such thing as emotional chemistry...it's all physical..and people quit far too early...they just don't try hard enough to learn about the other person.
My perspective: For me not only is it being attracted to someone but there is something I cant explain. In a second I can identify the person that is right for me and I don't have to be anywhere near them. Don't have to prove myself. When she looks at me I know she is thinking the same thing. It is far and few between but I know it's there. It blows my mind because I am a person of observation. I can read everyone else. But I cannot read those women. What is that? For me that is the missing link.
And what should you do if you find yourself with the wrong type? Well, if the relationship is not salvageable, you might want to check out: http://www.LeavingHim.com
I met love on another site, which also does testing, OKCupid. He was the highest rated match for me and he IS the match for me. However, another rival site, Plentyoffish, which also predicts matches, totally bombed out in matching me up, so I don't know about tests other than to use them to meet in reality. It's still the personal chemisty that makes or breaks a relationship. I took the tests from Match.com and didn't find a match, and didn't even really understand the test. Seemed too complicated to me. But I never gave up on singles sites, nor on taking the tests.... now I (we) don't need them anymore. :)
I love Dr. Fisher! Her take on things like the doodles are different and refreshing. Reminds me a little bit of the Enneagram with the personality types...
Wow, totally summarized me. ^^; Actually didnt expect it to be so accurate. lol I really loved it. :)
Im a Negotiator/Explorer and its actually very true that i seem to fall for the Director/Explorer type. >>;
Thank you muchers for the quiz! ^^ It was real fun! 8D
The test seems somewhat accurate to me. My test results were Negotiator/Director and the people I was compared to were Ghandi and Oprah. I took the Jung several times and kept getting the same results--INFJ The Counselor--also Oprah and Ghandi. Its actually not too far off because I worked as a community organizer for several years and everyone comes to me with their problems. I have organized several peaceful protests in my life. Based on that, I have to say--wow! I was matched with other Negotiator/Director types and my bf is definitely not that type. When he wakes up, I'm going to have him take it and see what he comes up with. This is fun. :)
it seems that your analysis is correct but what if you're the type that has all of these personality traits- just at different times with different people.ibasically love being alone alot but have the gift of gab sometimes.people say that i am the center of the party but i really wish not to be.
I think it is all in good fun! You take the test, you see what it says...and have a little break from your day. Am I going to base a relationship on the findings of an internet quiz???? NO...but it was a nice break from my day!
I find that Dr. Fisher tends to jump to bigger conclusions from her data than are warranted. She is not really as scientific as she claims to be.
1) Fisher has come up with a set of questionnaires that sort people into four types. Then she uses the types to match people up for a dating service. She doesn't know if the matches she makes actually work better. That data isn't in yet.
2) As far as I can tell, she has never actually tested any of the people who took the questionnaire to see if they were high in testosterone or serotonin or anything. So her claim that the four types have anything to do with brain chemistry is just a guess.
3) In her book when she describes the personality type, she constantly says things like Gandhi is a good example of a Negotiator personality. Obviously, Gandhi (and Einstein and lots of others) have never taken her personality test. This is just her guessing again.
So I wouldn't rush out and base my search for a mate on her personality tests.
I find that alot of the things that you say about myself are true but i see that my secondary trait is kind of out there i find myself looking to see if something is always better out there and at times i still feel alone and looking in the past i hate the past and need answers to get away from it
@SingleGirl & @Mango: Hear hear. My personality type is Director/Negotiator, which would seem inherently schizophrenic, based on this article. I don't disagree with some of the comments made about the types, but they are so broadly worded that they sound to me like they belong in the realm of astrology. For a great example of the kind of "oh my gosh, this COMPLETELY summarized me," I highly recommend watching Derren Brown's performance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haP7Ys9ocTk
What a load of crap.
I took the test 2x. Once when Chemistry.com first came on the scene. And then again the night that 20/20 gave Chemistry.com and Dr. Fischer an hour long advertisement. The results were different each time. Not intentionally, on my part. And no, my life hasn't changed radically.
The reality is that people's answers will vary based on their moods and that those changed answers will affect the results. These so called types are not, therefore, static.
Load of crap!
Curiously, most of us YourTango editors were a combination of Explorer and Negotiator. I don't think Fisher is claiming that science explains everything. It's fascinating to learn how our biological make-up affects what we have come to think of as otherwise rational, pragmatic decisions.
This stuff is so crazy. I'm generally against reductive categorization but, for real, my sister and her husband both fit in the builder category, and mom dad is a director and my mom is a negotiator.
I like that Helen Fisher emphasizes that the personality types aren't restrictive (you can have a relationship with any type) and that they're useful as a tool for gaining insight into yourself and your relationships but that they don't limit you in any way.
Ageed, Sarah, but I'd recommend _Please Understand Me_(2nd ed.) which uses the Myers-Briggs personality categorization and includes chapters about how to understand and communicate with other personality types.
This is just ridiculous. This is what happens when science claims its responsible for everything.
It's not science that makes the "Director" type go for a more "feminine" type, its called a patriarchal society where "Real Men" think they need uber feminine women. Also, why are all of the personality types "social"? Where is the introvert?
A lot of who we pick is not based on science or chemistry but on social conditioning. This lady is just wrong.
