In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain networks that are activated when you're burned by hot coffee also light up when you think about a lover who has spurned you.
In my coaching practice, I see various types of women of all ages, backgrounds and professions. Most of them are getting over the man who blew into their lives as a fantasy, great lover or trustworthy confidant, whom they eventually fell in love with only to end up heartbroken. What I found fascinating is that although many of these women suffered with intolerable heart break that they no longer wanted to feel, they also refused to take my advice or let me help them because they did not want to let go of the euphoria invoked by the memories of a man who broke their heart. When my clients explain to me their stories from beginning to end, I immediately see the red signs from the start. It also becomes clear to me that these men were able to manipulate and seduce these women because of their emotional vulnerabilities at the time.
A member of our website asked this question in our advice section: “I've read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about "chasing" after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, right? If someone is pulling away and the urge to chase after them comes up, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks!”
"We can't seem to connect anymore." This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice. We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship - before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you feel disconnected from each other?
Getting your ex back is all you can think about after hearing a few deadly words; "It's over" or "This isn't working for me." Everything that you've counted on and known until now is suddenly gone. Your life plans, your hopes, your dreams and a part of yourself feels utterly lost. You are left with a broken heart and a huge, great, gaping hole in your life. You feel like your whole life has been shattered to bits and you just don't know how you will survive. Getting through the next 60 seconds after hearing those fateful words feels like an eternity and you are sure you now know what dying really feels like.
What happens when you're already broken up, but just can't break up with the past? It's bad enough to end things with a person, but to have to say adieu to memories and the invisible, yet somehow tangible, threads that connect you to a former relationship can be even harder. Here are a few (healthy) ways to break up with your ex.
Most often, we think of heartbreak as a certain sense of sadness and longing when a relationship ends that can only be stifled with pints of Ben & Jerry's and the constant reassurance from close friends that, "You're better off, honey." But new research has shown that heartbreak is a real occurrence, especially after the loss of a loved one. And it can literally kill you.
Most people have gone through a traumatic breakup or three. But everyone has a very different style when it comes to breakup recovery.
I have been the beneficiary of magnificent male mentors. From dating tips to elevator pitches, I have received outstanding advice from men. Yet, there is one piece of advisement that stands out amongst the myriad of bestowed male wisdom. I started my professional career at Vogue magazine. And just in case you’re wondering, The Devil Wears Prada (book and movie) was an accurate depiction of what happens behind-the-scenes at the largest fashion magazine in the world. Ugliness thrives amidst all of that beauty.
It seems that my opinion on how important music is to a relationship and how my taste in music is far superior to most people's has ruffled some feathers. So, in an effort to help those poor Lady Gaga, Coldplay and Justin Bieber fans out there, I'm doing them a favor by offering my 10 favorite love songs... that aren't mainstream and lame.
The holiday season can be a tricky time to be single, even if you've been that way for a while, even if you're totally comfortable with it the other 11 months of the year. Some weird single holiday haze descends and makes the most well-adjusted among us feel like lousy lumps of unwanted coal.
One of my good girlfriends suggest that I write down my feelings as I try to examine my relationship with a new man. So goes nothing! I've always wanted to be the cool girl. The girl that's never needed, zero drama, and has an amazing man to call her own. Instead, I find myself only able to put on a front and as a result I suffer alone with the consequences. It doesn't help that I think to much for my own good. So here's the latest brainbuster that plagues my mind whenever I find myself alone.
Cheating has been analyzed through a never ending stream of expert opinions and "why men cheat" books and articles. Overwhelmingly, the barrage of cheat-lit takes the much needed stance of helping women either demonize or empathize in addition to ensuring women that there's something that can be done to prevent a man from cheating. Not this article.
I won't go into the dirty details, but trust me when I say that my divorce was the saddest and most painful thing that's ever happened to me. What made it worse? The really dumb things that people would say when I told them my husband and I were no longer together.
Some relationships may start quickly, but they almost never end as fast. After fatal relationship mistakes are made, things may feel different but not dead. A subtle feeling of discomfort can morph into a dead-end relationship so slowly that it's impossible to recognize.
You may remember the crappy ex in question — the one who broke up with me over IM, stole a painting he'd given me as a present and generally made me feel like total crap for several months. Our breakup was quick and sharp (over IM, after all), but the months leading up to it were painful and heartbreaking. He was miserable and so was I.