I want you to date me. I just don't want to date me. Got it?
I’ve hit a snag with online dating. Because no matter the site: Match or OkCupid, Plenty of Fish or FarmersOnly.com (I’m guessing on this last one as I’m not, in fact, a farmer) they all seem to match you up by the things you have in common. They each have their own little "matching" algorithm, sure, but built in somewhere is always the, “Hey! You like to camp and he likes to camp! We think you’d be a great match!” (Real talk: Everyone says they like to camp. No one is camping.) But here’s the thing: I don’t want to date me. And it’s not because I hate myself or I don’t think others should want to date me. I want you to date me. I just don't want to date me. Get it? I had to explain this once to a perfectly nice and lovely guy. Because while he was great, through no fault of his own or mine for that matter, it wasn’t going to work. We were too similar. He will make an excellent partner for someone who is not me.
1. I'd bore myself to death. Do you know how boring it’d be if I dated myself? SO. BORING. I already know how everything is going to turn out. I know where we’re going to dinner. I know that you want to stay home and turn yourself into a blanket burrito instead of go out on a Friday night. In fact, I already know the end of this argument.
2. I'll never push myself out of my comfort zone. Some similarities, like religious and political beliefs, are good and if aligned, can make your relationship a little easier. But a little opposition is good too. I want someone who's going to push me out of my comfort zone. I want someone who knows that while blanket burritoing is my go-to, I’ll also have fun if we actually leave the house. I want someone to challenge me. I want to challenge someone else to leave their comfort zone. I want to be able to show someone the wonders of the Whedonverse (google it) and all the magic it holds. For the love of God, I want to teach someone the joys of blanket burrito-ing. There’s a reason Paula Abdul has a song about opposites attracting and it’s not just so she could dance with a cartoon cat.
3. I'm way too much crazy. I come with a lot of crazy. We all have our own variety, but mine is a lot for me to handle. Some days (a lot of days) it’s almost too much for me. Adding in a second person with my same brand of crazy? No. Now, this doesn’t mean I would never/will never date someone dealing with depression and anxiety (as those are my biggest crazy flags at the moment) but it does mean if I can avoid it, I’d like to not date someone who's dealing with the same issues I am in the same way.
4. I'm stubborn as a mule. Here’s the thing: I’m super-stubborn. To a fault. Even if I know that digging my heels in the ground over something won't get me the results I want, it doesn’t matter. I’m committed now, I’m not budging, and no amount of logic will change my mind. Not my finest attribute, but it is what it is. So of I date someone as stubborn as me? No one is winning. What we'll end up with is two grown adults pouting in corners refusing to talk to each other because they disagree on whether ketchup is an acceptable condiment for eggs. (It’s not.)
5. I'm an enabler of bad habits. In general, I don’t want to do something unless I know all the rules and limitations and can reasonably predict that I'm going to be good at it the first time. Otherwise? No thank you, I’ll just be over here observing until I think I’ve got it down pat. I would rather not try than try and fail. I don’t like this trait about myself - and yes, I'm working on it - but it also means if we’re dating, I’m not going to like that trait about you, either. And if we’re both on the no-try, no-failure boat, we’re just going to be enabling the other to stay on that boat.