D-E-B-T is a dirty four letter word in any love relationship. Money seems to be a sensitive subject for most, yet the topic cannot be avoided when you’re sharing your life with someone. As debt surfaces in your relationship, the tensions rise and daily interactions between you and your partner drastically change. For folks who have debt that is out of control, they are often stuck in a spiral of negative emotions. Feelings that can range from regret to shame, guilt to embarrassment, hopelessness to despair, disappointment to depression, worry to fear and frustration to rage. As arguments escalate and fears rise, the feelings can become more than either person can handle. You’re left feeling like the world is spinning out of control and you’re not quite sure how to get off the ride.
Money is one of those super-charged topics that can turn a conversation from lukewarm to boiling in an instant. Money conversations can bring even the level-headed to an emotional breaking point when their anxiety rises to the surface. Is it our mistaken beliefs about money (that we'd miraculously be happier, better looking, attractive, secure etc. if we had more of it) that has created the place for such a hot button response? It's a good question to ask because our lack of understanding about why we react the way we do is one of the reasons we're plagued with such childlike fears around money. To gain control of your money fears, first you have to understand them.
There are countless studies out there on couples' fighting styles, but new research is finally focusing in on how pairs recover from arguments. As it turns out, how well you patch things up in your current romantic relationship has to do with the quality of attachment in your very first relationship—the one you had with your caregiver as an infant.
If you or someone you know lives in a state of constant drama, trauma, chaos and suffering, it IS possible to change. It’s not going to happen overnight though. It will take time, and you will have to learn how to enjoy happiness and other positive emotions, to really feel the fullness and excitement that comes with feeling GOOD.
Sleeping with the Enemy was a movie that came out in 1991, and was based on a couple’s violent, obsessed, and dangerous relationship. The couple appeared like the perfect couple in public, but behind closed doors the wife (played by Julia Roberts) was in fear of her life. When your relationship struggles with resentment, it can feel like you are sleeping with the enemy. The resentment is felt deeply by one of the partners and, although it is rarely discussed openly, the tension can be felt by anyone close to the couple. Resentment is not caused by one thing, but many things that happen.
My husband and I recently celebrated our 20 year anniversary. I bought my husband a small gift and when I ask what he got me- he told me I was not worth getting anything. This really hurt, my husband does not show any kind of affection or consideration for other people's feelings. When he is confronted he just replies "You knew this when you married me." But this is the least of the problems: he refuses to "man up" and be a father to his two boys- the older one is about to graduate from high school and constantly is getting in trouble and my youngest son is in his early teens. My husband talks down women in general and my older son has learned from this and absolutely hates any kind of authority especially from women. I can't talk to him because he acts and says everything just like my husband- he is an exact clone of my husband!! When I ask my husband for help with the kids, he says I am shitting on him by telling him my problems with the kids and to just leave him alone. I really can't go on living like this. I feel like I am a maid and a sex toy not a wife. Any advice would be very helpful.
Find us a long-term relationship that's never experienced conflict, and we'll check the sky for flying pigs. The feelings of anger and disappointment we feel when a loved one seemingly wrongs us can be consuming, even uncontrollable. But anyone who's lost his/her temper can tell you: getting angry and getting revenge never pay off; they never make us feel better, in the long run.
In the beginning, when you are in love, it's easy to be insular and believe that you and your partner have everything figured out, that nothing can ever shake you, that you will never fight and nothing so stupid as socks on the floor could ever make you raise your voice at that adorable face. I don't mean to be condescending about this. It's a great time. Every couple has it and it is my sincere wish that it last as long as possible. But it doesn't. At some point, in every marriage, you find yourself sobbing into your pillow over toothpaste caps and if you don't you are a Stepford Wife.
Money management is one of the most challenging aspects of being married. Should you open a joint bank account? How do you save for retirement? While there isn't a definitive right or wrong answer to these questions, the fact that some married couples are happier with their finances than others begs the question of why. To understand how incomes affect marriages, Mint.com conducted a survey comparing how young professionals (under 30, college educated, household income of over $50k), affluents (household income of over $100k), and the general populace divide their money. There are a lot of numbers involved, so we've summarized the most interesting data for you:
Clamming up during an argument may be a guy thing after all, a new study suggests. "We have known through other psychological studies that men, on the average, are less empathic and less emotionally tuned in to others than women," said Dr. Daniel Carlat. "This study appears to reinforce this well-known finding."
How you fight can predict if you're more likely to divorce. The University of Michigan studied married couples for 16 years and found those who have mismatched fighting styles are more likely to break up. What's your fighting style? Does it match your partners?
Right now, I have about 45 different things I have to do before school starts. I have to practice driving for my driving test next week, clean my room, work on my AP Art homework, paint my basement, go for a run in preparation for the cross country season, write my college essay before I see my tutor tomorrow, work on my CommonApp for college applications... you name it, I probably have to do it. And, I have just 2 weeks to get everything done. Stressed is my first name and Out is my last.Adding to all this, I'm trying to balance my relationship with my boyfriend, friends, and family. I don't have time for it all! I really don't know how to do it. My relationship with my boyfriend is more and more serious... he already told me he wants to be with me forever and we haven't even been going out for 5 months. I love him a lot, but I don't have the time for this commitment right now. Plus, if at just 4 and a half months he has already said he wants to be together forever...
Every week, we here at Traditional Love bring you our favorite love, marriage and family links from around the Web. This week, we read about fighting, mother-in-laws, being a married college student and more. Did we miss your favorite story of the week? Let us know in the comments. Fighting can actually make your marriage stronger. And if that's true, my marriage is tough as nails. [CNN] One of your most important relationships is your relationship with your partner's family, which isn't always the smoothest of rides (understatement). But what happens when you bad-mouth your mother-in-law on the internet?* [Lemondrop]
We couldn't help but chuckle after reading about e-Pressed, a shirt that uses biosensors to interpret and communicate the wearer's stress levels via embedded LEDs. People who see the shirt light up can then press acupuncture points drawn on the shirt, which in turn relax the wearer and turn off the light. At this point, the shirt is still in the preliminary concept stages, but imagine the implications for relationships if e-Pressed went commercial. We're not sure that it'd make the best anniversary present: "Here's an LED-lit shirt, honey, because I can't read your emotions otherwise." (Cue the blinking red light). There are right and wrong ways to get angry. Here are 6 ineffective methods.