Rachel Lehmann-Haupt discusses her new book, In Her Own Sweet Time, which attempts to reconcile modern love with modern life. Read The New Way To Have It All: First Baby, Then Love for more about the way modern women are approaching love, family and career.
The past 25 years have left women's plates increasingly—some might argue, precariously—overloaded, as they try to keep healthy portions of career, love and family. In her upcoming new book, "In Her Own Sweet Time: Unexpected Adventures In Finding Love, Commitment, And Motherhood," New York City journalist Rachel Lehmann-Haupt explores the expanding buffet of choices that exist for women hoping to "have it all" today.
Nadya Suleman, newly made mother of 14 children, is a news story that won't quit. The Associated Press reports "Suleman has been supporting her six other children with $490 a month in food stamps and receives Social Security disability payments for three of the youngsters that could total $2,379 a month." Her octuplets, who were born prematurely on January 26 and remain in the hospital, are racking up further expenses. The AP says the cost of raising 14 children as a single mother in California lies somewhere between $1.3 to $2.7 million. Taxpayers—perhaps those struggling to pay their own family's expenses in a recession—are angry.
We like our standard booty calls to be our hottest, most talented ex-boyfriend. But The Booty Caller, text messages from babycenter.com to alert us when we're ovulating and likeliest to get pregnant, is a close second! The Booty Caller will text you 18 times, 3 times per menstrual cycle, and let you know when you're ovulating. It's a free service but you must register with the site to get the goods. You'll receive messages like "Your fertile window opens today and lasts 5 more days" or "Today is your last fertile day! If you get pregnant during this cycle, your due date will be on or around 6.25.2009." If you're trying to get pregnant, you now know when to attack your partner when he or she gets home. But if you're NOT trying to get pregnant, it's still brilliant. For those of us with no intentions of making beh-behs anytime soon, The Booty Caller could be a organizational godsend. Who has the time or good sense to keep track of your fertile days in your daily planner, anyway?Then you can triple-bag it (kidding) or perhaps try the backdoor instead. Especially if we're going to play Russian roulette by having condomless sex (which may or may not be the new engagement ring!), we want to know precisely when we're going to get shot.
So, erectile dysfunction. Ever been with a guy who can't get it up? How do you feel? Embarrassed? Frustrated? Guilty? Or maybe just miffed? Today on Nerve's Date Machine Airheadgenius posts about how as she gets older she encounters more and more men whose penises aren't getting hard, and she wonders why.
Making babies met two very different forms of Kryptonite this week: the state of Louisiana and the antidepressant, Paxil. New Orleans' Times-Picayune reported this week that state representative John LaBruzzo, a Republican, is studying a plan that would pay women $1,000 to have their tubes tied in an effort to curb welfare costs.
If you can't fathom how your husband forgot to empty the dishwasher after asking him a fifth time, perhaps a $99 Learning & Memory DNA test will help. Qtrait offers customers a pick-and-choose menu of traits and tendencies for which a DNA test will tell you if you're prone to have or do, thereby offering a more reasonable option to existing companies like23andme, which offers a complete genetic rundown for $1,000. Qtrait can screen your genes to evaluate a higher risk of certain fertility and pregnancy issues, such as preeclampsia. Tests for genetic diseases, which many cultural groups like Sephardic and Ashkenazi Jews undergo before marrying or having kids, aren't currently available.
From The BBC A sexy swing of the hips may attract admiring glances, but it is not a covert sign a woman is ready to breed, according to researchers. A Queen's University, Ontario, team examined volunteers' walks and the levels of sex hormones in their saliva. They found those with alluring walks were the furthest away from ovulation. A British expert said the research, featured by New Scientist magazine, supported the idea women disguise their fertility to deter unsuitable partners. Tango’s Take
What’s it really like to have a baby all by your lonesome? Not so lonesome after all, says Louise Sloan. "I was ready for kids at age 28—and well aware that women's fertility starts to plummet at 35. When I saw my doctor that fateful year, she asked me if I wanted children. "Yes," I replied. "Definitely." With a stern look, she snapped, "Well, you're not getting any younger!" Thanks for the news flash, I thought. What kind of idiot does she think I am? I was a romantic, procrastinating idiot, to be exact. Despite my clear intellectual understanding of the issues involved, it took me until age 38 before I seriously started thinking about single motherhood, and even then, I had to be dragged into it kicking and screaming by my biological clock, which was starting to sound more like a car alarm."
Having a child irrevocably alters the balance of a partnership. The responsibility, time commitment and difficulty having baby is tough, no matter how strong your union; romance and sex after kids can be hard to accomplish. Although many couples decide the disruption is worth it, finding a new equilibrium can be challenging. Here, one mother comments on why she won't do it again. In her own words, "admitting that bringing a child into a relationship might ruin said relationship verges on the unpatriotic. Like most of us, I expect romance to survive marriage and committed cohabitation. I’m more dubious that it can survive raising a child."
Is there a perfect time to start a family? Don't count on your body and fertility being ready when you are to have kids. Is having it all even possible when racing the biological clock? Jill Johnson explains the science of conception, exploring the ideas of career stability, age and desire for a more settled future.