At the age of 42 with two children in elementary school, Mary Ann Lowry was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. Lowry explains her husband had a hard time coming to terms with her illness. "He frequently used verbal abuse to try to convince me to be healthy," she says. "The therapists tried to help him see that sickness, death, pain…are part of life. He couldn't come to terms with my physical limitations and despite their best efforts the therapists weren't able to break through the hard core resistance to accepting my health situation. When I finally had to leave work and go out on full disability, he was not able to support the decision." Despite the money, time and effort spent in counseling trying to work on their marriage, it failed. Lowry and her husband went to individual and couples counseling on and off for 11 years and still the marriage ended.
In some cases, lawyers aren't necessary. A guide to the growing trend of collaborative divorce.
Divorces are complex and confusing, much like the laws that govern them. Understanding the types of divorce and the laws the outline your rights is an essential part of protecting yourself during your split. Since these laws are set at the state level, differences from one state to another can have a huge impact on the process of divorce and how settlements are developed. For this reason alone, getting good legal advice from an experience lawyer in your state can be vital. Explaining every difference in state laws would take a library's worth of words. This article addresses the two most important things you must understand: What grounds for divorce are available in your state, and how will these choices affect you?
It's hard not to feel guilty when they're down there for a long time, isn't it? Not that we're not enjoying it. But how do you know if getting you off is turning him on or if he's just taking one for the team? We asked men: "What do you think about going down?"
Like stilettos and diet soda, we claim we only do it for ourselves. But who are we kidding? No one wants to have their pubic hair ripped out by the root. So does it really amp up your sex appeal or is the pain in vain? We asked men: “What do you think about bikini waxing?”
Ending your marriage isn't easy. So when you approach your spouse do so with honesty and integrity. Don't place blame, acknowledge your role in the breakdown of the marriage and be clear. Often, a spouse can be so overwhelmed by the news that they fail to process what is actually happening. So listen to your spouse. Empathize with them so they are not on the defensive. Also, it is okay to recognize your feelings of sadness and shame, but stay clear and firm on your decision to end your marriage. It also helps to consult with a lawyer before you speak with your spouse and if you feel like your spouse might react in a violent or negative manner, have the conversation in a public place.
It's difficult to know when you should stay in a relationship and when you should stick it out. Not every relationship is black and white and not all bad relationships start off horribly. It is easy to justify little behavior quirks as harmless and brush them off. But sometimes those quirks can build into a destructive pattern. But how do you know when a quirk is just a quirk or a sign of some deeper problem? One writer tells about her experience dating a man who seemed like everything she was looking for, only he wasn't really looking for her.
As the economy slows the cost of a divorce increases. Job loss. Mortgage defaults. Slowing housing market. They all factor in when going through a divorce. Is divorce becoming a luxury? With the high price tag on divorce, some couples have gone to the extreme. Many couples continue living together until they can afford a divorce. Some couples even reconcile because they simply cannot afford the cost of a divorce. One attorney recalls a client who moved into the computer server room in his office because he couldn't afford a new place. Many couples today are legally separating until they iron out their financial issues and settle debts.
Telling your children about your divorce is a difficult task. Give your kids the space and time to adjust to the news. Don't push them or get angry at them for being upset. Let them process their emotions and don't take their response too personally. Remember this is a big change for them and a lot to handle. Tell your children about the divorce together and present a united front. Do not place blame and help the kids understand that you both still love them. During a divorce, focusing on your children should be paramount. Their needs should take precedence, so do your best not to fight in front of them. Let them know through you actions that you are still the adults and you are always there for them.
It’s no secret that going through a divorce is a costly endeavor, but people often underestimate the danger that it could pose to your credit. The main problem, which many people are unaware of, is that lenders are not required to follow court decrees. These decrees assign the responsibility of paying off loans to one person, however, lenders may choose to ignore this decree and still expect you to make payments on your loan. Assuming that you are no longer responsible for a loan and the obligations that go along with it can lead to missed payments and overall damage to your credit.
If you are tired of your relationship and want to take a break, sit down with your partner and work out the rules. Clearly communicate the goal of the separation and the expectations. Can he have sex? Can you? Should you have sex with one another? Will you go out on dates? All of these are key questions that should be decided upon before you leave the relationship. The author outlines six simple rules for a separation and how do decide the limits in order to make your separation successful. Pick a clear starting and end date. Decide on clear boundaries. Communicate with one another. Figure out the finances. Should you have sex? Make your separation a clean break.
Dividing property is one of the most difficult aspects of any split. Judge Roderic Duncan suggests some unconventional ways to divide your property without involving the courts or lawyers such as, flipping a coin. Explains Duncan, "Flip a coin and have the winner divide up all the items into two lists. Do not break up sets of things, such as dishes and tables with matching chairs. The loser of the coin flip then chooses which list he or she will take; the remaining list belongs to the listmaker." But if that doesn't work there is also a link to a site that can help you understand the legal aspects of dividing your property.
Finding good divorce lawyers can be a very involved and lengthy process, but it is important to make the right decision. A divorce lawyer will be the one to represent your case in front of a judge, and he or she should realize your best interest during the proceedings.
Is divorce ruining society? Well, no. A Nerve.com essay argues that divorce has always been a part of society, just for social and economic reasons it hasn't always been visible. But as society moves closer to gender equality and as more and more women achieve financial independence the institution of marriage is taking on a new meaning. Marriage is no longer a means of financial and social security. Marriage today is about love. And conversely, divorce today is about incompatibility. From gay marriage to open marriage, the definition of "until death do us part" is in flux and the odds are good your childrens' marriage will look vastly different from your own. But is that such a bad thing?
When you first start dating again, it's common to worry whether you'll find anyone you're attracted to. Contrary to popular belief, it's not because all the good ones are taken. Sure, you might not feel that instant hormonal rush when you meet someone cute like you did in your youth, but — if you have patience and date more than one or two people — you will find someone who gives you that giddy feeling. Case in point: After her 20-year marriage ended, Kim, 44, from Louisville, KY, feared that her dating prospects wouldn't be attractive to her. But after scanning an online dating site she realized this was hardly the case. "I saw a guy named ‘Buddy' who was totally hot!" she recalls. They met for a date and he turned out to be even better-looking in person, debunking Kim's fears that the pickings are slim in the post-divorce dating pool. "I couldn't believe that there were available men out there with his kind of looks — a Don Johnson type," she says.