When my husband and I got married, our divergent religious backgrounds were the last thing on my mind. From the start, we were in full agreement that we would blend our Jewish and Christian traditions into an unstructured cornucopia of customs and holiday celebrations. This all-inclusive philosophy presented little conflict, and we were compatible in our religious laziness. But, eventually, I became a restless wanderer with unresolved questions about my soul's purpose on this earth, and I longed for a deeper, more personal relationship with God.
Would Andy think Jake was as perfect as I did? Perfect manners. Perfect behavior. Perfect attitude. Jake had just turned three. He was a sweet kid, affectionate and kind—but perfect manners? Who was I kidding? It wasn't as if "thank you" was exactly a recognized word in his vocabulary.
You've heard it before, but I'm not going to browbeat you about the immorality of going all the way on the first night. I'm also not going to say that you're likely to drive away relationship material if, as the adage goes, the man "gets the milk for free." (If that drives him away, then be glad you're seeing the taillights.) No, take it from a man who knows: there's a hidden reason that—if you do it right—you should never have sex on a first date.
When Krissy Gasbarre broke up with her boyfriend she wanted to change her Facebook relationship status to single—but was afraid of her friends' reaction. Turned out she had nothing to worry about. When her friends saw that she was newly single they jumped in to support her. One woman's story about breaking up on Facebook.
Men who batter rarely do it once, even if they are rich and famous. So if you're in a relationship with a guy who has pushed, hit or slapped you once, take it as a warning sign. You can expect him to do it again and again. Here's everything you need to know about batterers from domestic violence experts Diann Ackard, a PhD psychologist on the board of Break the Cycle, an organization specializing in the treatment of domestic abuse, and Candice Hopkins, director of Love is Respect, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline.
Ever wondered why your husband likes triple-X websites? Or why your boyfriend is only half-joking when he suggests a threesome with your college girlfriend? Or why so many men have trouble feeling close to women? Dr. Michael Bader has your answers. The psychologist and psychoanalyst has been practicing his trade in San Francisco for 30 years and became interested in sexuality ten years ago. He recently published Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It—And Men Don't Either. YourTango spoke to Dr. Bader about fantasies, porn and why your man has trouble opening up.
Going to couples therapy wasn’t something my boyfriend or I had to wrangle the other into. Our rough patch was more like a slick of black ice, and we were careening towards a precipitous ending. We had moved in together almost a year before, and couples therapy seemed easier than breaking up. It would at least buy us time to figure out how to split our belongings while I looked for my own place. I was scared, and didn’t know what to expect. Would she pit us against each other? Would she take my side or his? What if she liked him better than me?
People enter detoxification programs to rid their bodies of toxins, lose a little weight, maybe look and feel better about the damage they’ve done to their bodies. But how do you detoxify from poor love decisions? Is there a Promises out there for people who have had one toxic relationship after another? How do you take the damage done from too many bad relationships to enable a fresh start? One writer finds out.
Last night I had a drink (okay, we had three) with my ex-fiance’s mother—she had called me previous to her coming into town and has asked if I wanted to meet up. When I told a few friends that I was planning on meeting her for drinks, a couple thought I was a little nutty. One friend said, “I would advise against that. People lose things that mean a lot to them when break ups happen, but moving on does not mean keeping the ex’s mother in your life.” When I explained that she was much more to me than my ex’s mother, and that the relationship we hoped to maintain was about friendship, and one that had nothing to do with HIM, he softened. Still, though I was 99% excited to see her, a small part of me was nervous—would we end up talking about my ex? What if I was to find something out that would hurt me? Would hurt to see her and be reminded that she could ONLY be my friend and not my mother-in-law?
The 90 Days program is a four-pronged approach. The first thing you do is identify and break your "Deadly Dating" patterns. Then you go on what I call a "Dating Program of Three," where you date three guys—no sex with any of them. Number three—you do the inner work where you work on your self-sabotaging ideas, your beliefs, like "I'm too old," "I'm too fat" or "There are no good men out there." You also cultivate what I call your "Diamond Self," which really helps you bust through shyness. The last thing that you do is you get yourself a "Love Mentor." Now this is somebody who is like a fairy godmother, who gives you the most profound support and really helps you find "the one." And all of these things work together and help you succeed in creating the love you really want.
First-date sex: One guy says go for it, even if it ends up being a one-night stand. Wise advice? Hard to say, but according to this dude, "Your prince might not call you back if you rail him in the bathroom stall or after he slinks out of your apartment while you’re sleeping. If that happens, cry and wail! Just know that reports of the fragility of the human heart are greatly exaggerated."
Whether you've been married for several years or only a few months, divorce is never simple. It's easy to get overwhelmed by legal and financial worries, not to mention emotional stresses. Knowing your options and choosing the appropriate path will make this difficult time no harder than it needs to be. Learn the difference between no-fault, at-fault, absolute, limited, contested, uncontested divorce and more.
The worst part of the end of a relationship can be the lack of one. We've all been there, waiting for answers that never came and wasting precious time trying to get that closure from an ex who just wasn't willing to give it. Whether it was a long drawn-out breakup or one that ended abruptly without warning, below are some tips on how to move on to bigger and better things—specifically a new you.
When you're getting over a breakup you friends support you with support and ice cream—usually it's your female friends who come to the rescue. But after breaking up with her fiancé, one woman realizes how helpful and understanding her guy friends can be. "When the s**t hit the fan with the ex, I immediately called three people—two close girl friends and my mom. For a long time, they were the only people I told and certainly the only people I leaned on for support. And they were amazing, in so many ways. But as more people in my life started to find out, I was utterly stupified by how hugely compassionate and kind all of them were, but especially my male friends."
The December holidays are a time of romance and sex, right? Whimsical jewelry commercials, love-themed Christmas songs and invitations on pretty paper to parties for "you and a guest" all add up to a magical time of year… except if you're single. This time of year can feel bewildering and lonely for women who are just out of a relationship or single and looking. Fortunately there are ways to tweak the holiday traditions so they're fun for single gals, too!