Don't. Call. Me. Ever. Again. Who among us hasn't uttered these five words to a boyfriend in the heat of a breakup? But you may find yourself missing the guy and wondering if things could have been different. Your ex is familiar territory, but is it a country that you should consider revisiting? And if so, how? Learn when it's healthy to get back together with an ex, and how to win him back.
Break-up advice: five essential tips about the right way to end a relationship with your boyfriend. "You know something is wrong between you and him, so do you just pull the trigger, kill this relationship dead and move on? No, take a moment. Look at what you used to have between the two of you and what you've got now. Make a list of where you two have gone off the rails. Seeing your problems in black and white helps you put things in perspective."
In the months after divorcing my wife, my weeks were bifurcated. Half the week, I was a single father working hard to provide a stable home for my children in the midst of an unstable time. The other half I was a man on his own trying to navigate dating for the first time in my life. Prior to being married, relationships had grown organically out of friendships rather than being the result of formal dates with women I'd met online. Just as I was becoming more comfortable with my new life, I discovered that what I thought to be a hemorrhoid was actually a tumor in my rectum. Luckily there was good hope for a cure, but the treatment would be painful, last nearly a year and leave me with a permanent colostomy.
When my husband and I got married, our divergent religious backgrounds were the last thing on my mind. From the start, we were in full agreement that we would blend our Jewish and Christian traditions into an unstructured cornucopia of customs and holiday celebrations. This all-inclusive philosophy presented little conflict, and we were compatible in our religious laziness. But, eventually, I became a restless wanderer with unresolved questions about my soul's purpose on this earth, and I longed for a deeper, more personal relationship with God.
Would Andy think Jake was as perfect as I did? Perfect manners. Perfect behavior. Perfect attitude. Jake had just turned three. He was a sweet kid, affectionate and kind—but perfect manners? Who was I kidding? It wasn't as if "thank you" was exactly a recognized word in his vocabulary.
You've heard it before, but I'm not going to browbeat you about the immorality of going all the way on the first night. I'm also not going to say that you're likely to drive away relationship material if, as the adage goes, the man "gets the milk for free." (If that drives him away, then be glad you're seeing the taillights.) No, take it from a man who knows: there's a hidden reason that—if you do it right—you should never have sex on a first date.
When Krissy Gasbarre broke up with her boyfriend she wanted to change her Facebook relationship status to single—but was afraid of her friends' reaction. Turned out she had nothing to worry about. When her friends saw that she was newly single they jumped in to support her. One woman's story about breaking up on Facebook.
Men who batter rarely do it once, even if they are rich and famous. So if you're in a relationship with a guy who has pushed, hit or slapped you once, take it as a warning sign. You can expect him to do it again and again. Here's everything you need to know about batterers from domestic violence experts Diann Ackard, a PhD psychologist on the board of Break the Cycle, an organization specializing in the treatment of domestic abuse, and Candice Hopkins, director of Love is Respect, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline.
Ever wondered why your husband likes triple-X websites? Or why your boyfriend is only half-joking when he suggests a threesome with your college girlfriend? Or why so many men have trouble feeling close to women? Dr. Michael Bader has your answers. The psychologist and psychoanalyst has been practicing his trade in San Francisco for 30 years and became interested in sexuality ten years ago. He recently published Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It—And Men Don't Either. YourTango spoke to Dr. Bader about fantasies, porn and why your man has trouble opening up.
Going to couples therapy wasn’t something my boyfriend or I had to wrangle the other into. Our rough patch was more like a slick of black ice, and we were careening towards a precipitous ending. We had moved in together almost a year before, and couples therapy seemed easier than breaking up. It would at least buy us time to figure out how to split our belongings while I looked for my own place. I was scared, and didn’t know what to expect. Would she pit us against each other? Would she take my side or his? What if she liked him better than me?
People enter detoxification programs to rid their bodies of toxins, lose a little weight, maybe look and feel better about the damage they’ve done to their bodies. But how do you detoxify from poor love decisions? Is there a Promises out there for people who have had one toxic relationship after another? How do you take the damage done from too many bad relationships to enable a fresh start? One writer finds out.
Last night I had a drink (okay, we had three) with my ex-fiance’s mother—she had called me previous to her coming into town and has asked if I wanted to meet up. When I told a few friends that I was planning on meeting her for drinks, a couple thought I was a little nutty. One friend said, “I would advise against that. People lose things that mean a lot to them when break ups happen, but moving on does not mean keeping the ex’s mother in your life.” When I explained that she was much more to me than my ex’s mother, and that the relationship we hoped to maintain was about friendship, and one that had nothing to do with HIM, he softened. Still, though I was 99% excited to see her, a small part of me was nervous—would we end up talking about my ex? What if I was to find something out that would hurt me? Would hurt to see her and be reminded that she could ONLY be my friend and not my mother-in-law?
The 90 Days program is a four-pronged approach. The first thing you do is identify and break your "Deadly Dating" patterns. Then you go on what I call a "Dating Program of Three," where you date three guys—no sex with any of them. Number three—you do the inner work where you work on your self-sabotaging ideas, your beliefs, like "I'm too old," "I'm too fat" or "There are no good men out there." You also cultivate what I call your "Diamond Self," which really helps you bust through shyness. The last thing that you do is you get yourself a "Love Mentor." Now this is somebody who is like a fairy godmother, who gives you the most profound support and really helps you find "the one." And all of these things work together and help you succeed in creating the love you really want.
First-date sex: One guy says go for it, even if it ends up being a one-night stand. Wise advice? Hard to say, but according to this dude, "Your prince might not call you back if you rail him in the bathroom stall or after he slinks out of your apartment while you’re sleeping. If that happens, cry and wail! Just know that reports of the fragility of the human heart are greatly exaggerated."
Whether you've been married for several years or only a few months, divorce is never simple. It's easy to get overwhelmed by legal and financial worries, not to mention emotional stresses. Knowing your options and choosing the appropriate path will make this difficult time no harder than it needs to be. Learn the difference between no-fault, at-fault, absolute, limited, contested, uncontested divorce and more.