When my boyfriend told me, just shy of our one-year anniversary, that he didn't want a girlfriend anymore, I almost choked on my savory pork belly dish and $12 cocktail. My girlfriends rose to the occasion, but it was the advice of a married, middle-aged dude that changed the course of my fate. He said that if I wanted to get different results, I had to change my behavior, trust him implicitly and do exactly as he said. Who was he to tell me who I am and how to date? His words were harsh. He was aggressive, obnoxious, cocky. And he was right.
For all the advice we hear about breakups of the romantic variety, friendship usually gets the shaft. Rather than inspiring stories, words of wisdom, or stories of the nuanced phenomenon of breaking it off with a friend, we get all-out spectacle. Should women be exploited as drama queens and catfight instigators just because our friendships are a bit more dynamic? I decided to reach out to other women and ask if they'd ever had a friend breakup and what it really felt like.
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." This quote by Nora Ephron would forever change the way I viewed—and lived—my life post-divorce.
Yesterday, a dear friend shared a story with YourTango of her discovery (through a twist of Facebook fate) that her boyfriend of nine months had been having an affair with his most recent ex the whole damn time. Post-confrontation, our friend composed an opus of a text so burningly poetic, we simply had to publish it. Behold the most epic f*ck-you breakup letter ever. (And, yes she sent it.)
When I was in high school, one of my favorite teachers told me that nothing worthwhile is easily attained. And I believed it — except when it came to men. Eventually I realized that some guys are special, and I shouldn't be changing them as often as I change my underwear. I would find a nice guy to commit to… but so many guys were nice. I decided I'd find a nice one until I found a nicer one. I'd become a serial monogamist.
We've teamed up with Astroglide, maker of personal lubricants and other sexy products, to seek out advice on a very real and dreaded part of the post-breakup period: avoiding ex sex! Between now and February 12, tell us the best way to avoid ex sex and you'll be entered to win fabulous Astroglide prizing.
It all began when I was in New York City killing time before a business meeting. Having always loved dining out, I was happy to stumble upon an enticing-looking restaurant called the Banc Café. I walked in and requested a table for one — I was freshly out of a relationship, so this seemed like a bold move at the time.
A survey of counseling professionals from YourTango.com—the digital leader in love and relationships—offers compelling insights into why marriages fail.
When my first I'm-not-sure-I-want-to-do-this pangs began, my initial thought was not, tellingly, how I would express such hurtful feelings to my fiancé, nor was it even how we might break the news to friends and family. It was: I don't think the caterers would take this well. Maybe I'll just stick things out.
About four years ago, psychotherapist Rachel Sussman started witnessing love-life chaos from every direction. Her sister's five-year relationship hit the rocks. Some of her closest friends' marriages ended in divorces. She had an influx of clients in her practice dealing with devastating breakups. And Sussman got a front-row glimpse into how women handle that horrible road through Splitsville—a topic she felt she had to tackle. She felt instantly compelled to write about it.
It's been days or weeks or even months since you and your ex called it quits. And you're fine. You're convinced everything happens for a reason, and you’'l be better off with someone else someday. You rarely even think of him. Until you do.
Eighty-five percent of readers in a recent YourTango survey said they struggle with breakups and could use a "breakover"—aka an internal and external makeover aimed at helping them move on. One of the best methods to a successful "breakover" is through exercise—in fact, survey respondents listed exercise as one of the top three methods for getting over a breakup.
Reeling from a breakup? There's an app—or a website, or an online service—for that.
After six tumultuous years of being lovers, worst enemies, exes (three times over), and pseudo-friends who would only catch up occasionally via Facebook, my ex Jack finally cut the cord on our online relationship: he de-friended me on Facebook.
Here at YourTango, we want to know about your breakup style—good, bad and empowering—so we can better help readers get over their breakups and move on to meeting someone new (and improved!). Take our survey and tell us about your breakup history.