A relationship without basic trust has no security. Without trust there's no way to predict another person's behaviors, which can make us consumed with anxiety. Since we can't stand anxiety, we resort to blame. And blame kills relationships.
I have been married almost four years now. For the most part, my relationship with my husband, Matt, who happens to be a matchmaker and dating coach, has pretty much been "out there" in terms of our views regarding dating, marriage, love, how men think and how to handle a breakup. We have written books, appeared on television and given lots of advice. But perhaps the one area that we haven’t had too much experience in dealing with: children. Until recently that is.
Unfortunately, when Congress was at a standstill about raising the debt ceiling, Standard & Poor was unimpressed with how the United States was handling its fund. As a result, just this past weekend the S&P downgraded the country's credit rating from an elite AAA to a lesser AA+. Now, we're looking at wild swings in the DOW on Wall Street, financial analysts uttering the word "recession" again, and potentially higher interest rates as a result of the downgrade. Since finances are consistently a huge form of tension among couples, we were obviously concerned at this news. So to put things in perspective, we asked experts what the credit downgrade might mean for our love lives as we move through the rest of the year, and even farther into the future.
You know those moments when you’re having the same argument with someone over and over? Verbal Groundhog Day, in other words. The conversation almost always plays out the same way: it devolves to the point that you're not even sure what you were originally arguing about, leading both of you to feel frustrated and upset. The good news is it doesn't have to be that way. These five tips that will help you enhance communication with the important people in your life.
Coupledom can be a fragile thing. There are threats everywhere, and even the strongest relationships need to be monitored and protected on a daily basis. From flirtatious friendships and infidelity, to blowouts over friends and relatives, to fights about money, relationships are all too easily toppled by big issues. But it's not just the biggies we need to worry about. There are also smaller, more insidious threats to relationship satisfaction—threats we take for granted as being a normal part of a relationship.
Reading Montgomery's claims now, one could wonder why anyone—specifically me—would believe them. But this was before we all knew that online profiles are full of lies. It was before I knew that sociopaths did not necessarily look like Charles Manson, with long scraggly hair and a swastika etched into his forehead. And it was before I knew that someone who proclaimed he was so head-over-heels in love with me could be lying.
Examining the economic downturn's effects on how we find and show love. With strapped wallets, tightened belts and the national unemployment rate nearing double-digits, we can only hope that rumors of the recession's demise prove true—and soon. Here at YourTango, we wanted to know how the economic downturn in the U.S. has changed dating, marriage, sex and family already, and which of these changes will stick when the recession's over.
Couples who have experienced job losses often suffer relationship strains as existing marital tensions are exacerbated and financial stresses spark new challenges. "It tends to flare up any problems that are just under the surface," says one expert. Inside, how to weather unemployment with your spouse.
We took the Gatwick train out of London and made our way southwest 25 miles. The day before we were ducking out of all-you-can-eat buffets in Chinatown, still waiting to see if the position, any position, would come through. We had met in Prague: him, the Australian backpacker, and me, the American English teacher. Now in the UK, he was employable and I not. Then the word came: Positions available, couples preferred. Bar and server experience a must. All pay under the table, room and board inclusive. Start tomorrow. Watching from the window, my eyes followed the changing panorama: industrial cityscape; baguette stalls lining the commuter stops; row houses, all identical except for the garbage littered gardens, but even then, that too, took on a cloak of uniformity. We passed bleak urban villages now indistinguishable amongst the city’s sprawling grasp, yet still managing distinction if but in name only: Chiddingfold, Effingham, Limpsfield, Titsey, Leatherhead…
When my husband of almost four years asked me if I thought we should divorce, I opened my laptop, pulled up my GQueues account and drew up a to-do list. I titled it My Crumbling Marriage, and tried to get to the bottom of things. Did we still love each other? Did we still want the same things? Why were we so unhappy lately?
Ask any civilized man, and he'll tell you that when a woman asks, "Do I look fat in this?" there's only one answer: "No!" For extra points, he can add something incredulously supportive, like, "You? Never!" or, "Are you kidding me?" But what if the answer is "yes," and what if that "yes" is affecting your relationship? Whether you’re a man or woman on the giving or receiving end, it’s a conversation no one wants to have. Most people are familiar with the concept of “letting yourself go” in a long-term relationship, and most would agree that it’s not a good thing. Yet the idea of criticizing a partner’s physical appearance is a touchy subject.
According to the 22,000 people who took the Power of Attraction survey, men and women have pretty similar view on how to reignite attraction in a relationship. Both genders say talking about the relationship and going on a date are the top methods or rekindling the spark. But as we continued to analyze the results, we found that there were some significant differences in what guys and gals thought would turn up the heat. “I can’t imagine ever being like that with you,” John said. He meant it... for the first few months. The new couple went to concerts, museums and took long walks around the city. But less than a year into the relationship, a familiar pattern emerged. “Our relationship had become the dreaded ‘dinner and sex,’” says Amy. “Well, no. Dinner and watching a mind-numbing amount of TV and sex.” And fighting about how they “never did anything anymore.” So what happened? Was John growing boring, because he was already bored?
When my husband requested a trial separation, his reasoning was that we weren't a good match anymore. He felt that we shouldn't have to compromise in order to find happiness, and that love should be easy. I briefly considered the fact that I might be married to a delusional maniac, then rejected the thought and explained to him that marriage was all about compromise. People change over time and, as a result, relationships must shift in order to accommodate that change. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. According to the results of YourTango's Power of Attraction survey, 33 percent of people feel that "getting [their] partner to change" is a good way to reignite attraction. But should you even be together if you need your partner to change in order to be happy?
If you feel like you're dating your financial opposite, you're probably right. It turns out we gravitate towards romantic partners with conflicting money attitudes to help balance our own tendencies.
Imagine hearing some guy you'd like to sleep with talk about his ex: she has this STD, she got it from him, there's no test for it, and there's a chance that being physical with him—even with all other safety precautions—may lead to a whole terrifying smorgasbord of side effects, and that he'd like you to know all this before going any further. It can be a bit of a mood killer.