Jennifer (name changed) didn't have sex with her ex-husband on their wedding night. "I chalked it up to fatigue," she says. But should it have been a red flag? Well, maybe. It's not that it didn't happen that one night that was the problem; it's that it was the first of many sexless married nights. As an engaged couple, Jennifer and her guy were doing it about three times a week, but once they said their vows, it quickly dwindled to about once a month—sometimes less. YourTango reveals the truth about sexless marriage.
Let's face it, the stories of infidelity in military marriages run rampant. And shows like Army Wives and movies like Jarhead help perpetuate the idea that military marriages are constantly plagued by infidelity. Meanwhile, the divorce rate among military couples is twice as high as in the general population. Don't let this happen to you. Here are five great tips for keeping your military marriage strong despite deployment, separation and frequent relocation
As we know, affairs are truly a symptom of an unhealthy and unfulfilled marriage. One way to help inoculate your marriage against affairs is to keep your sex life and physical intimacy a priority. For some couples, sex is not even on the list after having kids. Dr. Michelle Golland: I was not surprised by the 2006 Newsweek article that reported that 15-20% of us are in "sexless" marriages. The article defined this as couples having sex less than once a month, or on average, 10 times a year.
We each attract a certain type of man, depending on how we carry ourselves. Don't expect to have a respectful man if you, for instance, curse like a sailor. Such behavior always reflects more negatively upon you than it does to those you're cursing. As for other important aspects of your life, if you don't have any goals, principles, power, or worth, then what makes you believe you can attract a man who has any of those qualities? You are what you attract, whether you like it or not. Contrary to what you may believe, we are not designed to follow the lead of men. They are made to follow us, at least when it comes to male and female relations.
Dr. Michelle Golland responds to "Why I Love My Kid More Than My Husband" Okay, first I must say I love my kids very much, but I do not love them more than my husband! The love I have for my husband is deeper and more exciting than the love I have for my kids. He is my lover, my confidant, and my biggest fan. I am the same for him. It is so clear to me as a wife, mother, and psychologist that if I do not have a strong, healthy, and connected marriage, my mothering abilities are not on track.
I just celebrated my first birthday as a married woman. But instead of enjoying a romantic dinner with my husband, I was at sea with a long-lost crush who re-entered my life last year. My husband knows about him, and gave me his blessing to go with him on the three-day cruise to the Bahamas. He actually met the guy once, at a club on Canal Street six years ago. He's been supportive of this reunion, even when I came home giddy from a night out with him, or when I flew to Portland, Maine, in March for a spring rendezvous. My husband says he understands that this man was in my life long before the two of us met. He knows we have history. But more than anything, he didn't mind me sailing off into the sunset with the guy because we weren't alone. Far from it. Joe brought four of his buddies along on the cruise. And a bunch of other women. Two thousand of them, all just like me. The other man is Joe McIntyre, one of the New Kids on the Block. Yes, that pop group from the '80s. The boy band that begat Backstreet, 'N Sync, and the Jonas Brothers. But this is not a story about being a groupie. I am not a slut, a sad sack, or a stalker. And yet, the most obvious word for what I am—"fan"—doesn't seem to cut it. Fan doesn't encompass the way these five men have influenced my career, my ideas of love, and even my move to the United States.
Pecking, smooching, Frenching, and playing tonsil-hockey—there are as many names for kissing as there are ways to do it. Whether we use it as an informal greeting or an intensely romantic gesture, kissing is one of those ingrained human behaviors that seems to defy explanation. Its many purposes—a blow and peck for good luck on dice, lips to ground after a rocky boat ride, kisses in the air to an acquaintance, and the long slow smooches of Hollywood—have different meanings yet are similar in nature. So why is it that we love to pucker up?
Men think they are 100% straight shooters. Even if we want to believe that the majority of men have perfect aim (which is NOT true), it's clear that most haven't made the quantum leap necessary to understand the difference between a latrine—which is, by definition, a toilet used only by men—and a bathroom that's in one's home, to be used by everyone who lives in the house, as well as by any visitor. Whether men agree with the following statement or not, nothing can change the reality of it: Leaving the toilet seat up is a clear statement of control and power.
This is one man who's happy to ask for directions. But should he trust his wife… or his new GPS? "For the last nine years, my wife has been my shining directional beacon, a kind of sit-next-to-me Northern Star. When we lived in New York City, she would send me on the subway with yellow post-it notes that detailed the stops and transfers. Without these handwritten guides, I'd likely be penning this story as an emissary of the mole people. But this year, I was given a Garmin global positioning system (GPS) as a birthday gift—a robot whose sole responsibility was to offer me the best route to take."
At age 44, Julie Metz's seemingly perfect life of husband, daughter, work-from-home occupation and house in the suburbs was turned upside down when her husband unexpectedly died. Becoming a widow and a single mother would only be the tips of the iceberg challenges for Metz, as she later learned of her deceased husband's infidelities. How do you reconcile and forgive when the person who caused you pain is dead? This and other questions serve as the basis for Metz's memoir of "betrayal and renewal," Perfection, published in June.
After my brutally honest essay, "The Five Things I Hate about Marriage," Adam has finally prepared his rebuttal. Here are the five things my husband hates about marriage.
Yes, I love my husband and family and wouldn't change a thing about our family unit. Now that I have made that obligatory statement, let me get to my point. There are certain issues that I have with the institution of marriage, which offers both wonderful benefits and incredible challenges, often in the same day. Here are the five things I hate about marriage.
Sex with A Married Man? Friends With Benefits? Office Affairs? Here, Cosmo queen Helen Gurley Brown personally answers your critical questions about all these things. Plus, why she's already saved you from a dreary life not worth living!
The whole Salsa thing started with my wife's friend, Autumn. Autumn is a Salsa-dancing junkie. She Salsas the way most of us brush our teeth, which is to say, pretty frequently. Recently, Autumn got Tara all fired up about how much fun Salsa dancing is, how sexy it is. Soon, Tara wanted us to go, despite the fact that I cannot dance, that I do not understand dancing. Dancing, I am the title character in a short film called "White Man in Terrible, Self-Conscious Pain." My wife, by contrast, doesn't do self-consciousness. Which I admire, no end. Preferably from the couch, in my own house.
Besides the meaning of life and the ingredients of hot dogs, many a man has questioned "what exactly do women want?" We're not playing coy here, we know we're complex creatures. And, true, we operate on a different wavelength than men. But, woman aren't exactly the great mystery that men often make us out to be. The proof? We polled the YourTango staff and compiled a list of 10 simple things women want.