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Is Your Mother's Narcissism Hurting Your Love Life?

Is Your Mother's Narcissism Hurting Your Love Life?

I knew my mother was pretty far along on the narcissism spectrum, but I wasn't sure that I'd been all that damaged as a result. Until, that is, I reached page 118 of "Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" by Karyl McBride, Ph.D. There it was, all laid out in front of me: the exact retelling of how my last relationship devolved and fell apart. According to McBride, when times get tough, the daughter of a narcissistic mother may get codependent and "end up stifling [her boyfriend or husband] with her overwhelming demands, jealousy, and insecurities. She will want him to be with her at all times and expect him to meet all her needs, particularly her emotional needs…[When he can't] she will feel the same disappointment and emptiness she did as a child and blame her spouse." As I continued to read, humbled, I thought: the good news is that I can get better; the bad news is that I'm not the only one who comes from a narcissistic parent and heads ill-equipped into love and dating.

8 Tips For Giving A Top-Notch Wedding Toast

8 Tips For Giving A Top-Notch Wedding Toast

Giving a toast at a rehearsal dinner or wedding reception is supposed to be an honor. So why does it cause so many bridesmaids to ruin their $300 taffeta terror-of-a-gown by breaking into a cold sweat? Because there's a lot that can go wrong. I've seen more wedding toasts derailed by a drunken uncle or botched by a nervous maid of honor than I, or the happy couples, care to remember. Before you take the mic, remember a wedding toast is not the time to make any of these mistakes. With emotions running high and wine flowing like water, it's all too easy to get long-winded, overly sentimental, and even inappropriate. The last thing you want is to make your lovely hosts wish they had one of those giant hooks to pull you offstage.

I Was In My Ex-Girlfriend's Wedding

I Was In My Ex-Girlfriend's Wedding

Whether you're a bride, part of the wedding party, or merely a guest who's excited to dress up and get wasted on someone else's tab, the wedding experience is something we're all familiar with. But when I was a bridesmaid in my ex-girlfriend's wedding, I didn't really know what to expect. On a hot summer day, not too long ago, I packed my red chiffon bridesmaid dress and boarded a plane heading north. Landing in Portland, I was greeted by my ex, Anna, the bride, and her nervous-looking, soon-to-be husband, Dean. Dean and I had only met once before when the two of them were on their way to Costa Rica and had a twelve-hour layover in L.A. They crashed at my place, where Dean kept a tight grip around Anna's waist and eyed me suspiciously all night.

husband jerk

"Honey, Your Husband Is A Jerk"

Well, we all have one: One friend who we think is in a terrible relationship. Her husband or boyfriend is a complete jerk and treats her terribly. He makes jokes at her expense, calls her names—he even argues with her in front of friends. It's hard for you to understand what it is she sees in him, but it's even harder for you to witness it without wanting to say something to her. What's worse is that you do love your friend, but you feel like you have to avoid social situations—being around the two of them is uncomfortable for everyone (not to mention, you and your husband have your own issues—why do you want witness them arguing?!)

happy couple

My Husband Wanted A Big Wedding—So He Planned It

Last year, when Jay got on one knee in Battery Park in Manhattan and proposed, I accepted and realized I was filled with joy—at the prospect of spending the rest of my life with him—then panic, associated with the idea of becoming a bride. So after saying yes, I said, "Let's elope!" trying to make it sound bright, shiny and enticing. To my frustration, his response was, "No way!" I threw my hands in the air and issued my challenge: "Fine. You're planning this thing."

surprised son

My Son Found My "Special Toy"

I store my secret and satisfying lover in the hidden compartment of an ottoman in my bathroom. Towels are piled high over it, and inside I store all my overflow of beauty and hair products. Deep within that pile is a compartment I stash my "toys." For the past month, I've been finding my vibrator with the batteries dead and always left in the "on" position. I like to conserve energy, so I know I NEVER would have wasted a AA battery in a recession with an amateur move like that. I didn't have the guts to confront my husband, so instead I've spent the past thirty days bitching to my girlfriends about my husband's alleged jealousy over my affair with "Buzz Light My Year on Fire."

Child versus husband

The Danger In Putting The Kids First

Dr. Michelle Golland responds to "Why I Love My Kid More Than My Husband" Okay, first I must say I love my kids very much, but I do not love them more than my husband! The love I have for my husband is deeper and more exciting than the love I have for my kids. He is my lover, my confidant, and my biggest fan. I am the same for him. It is so clear to me as a wife, mother, and psychologist that if I do not have a strong, healthy, and connected marriage, my mothering abilities are not on track.

boomerang kid love life

The Love Life Of A Boomerang Kid

Recent studies estimate that "boomerang kids" are an increasing 21st-century trend, with somewhere around 40 percent of young adults living once again under their parents' roofs immediately post-college or after a temporary stint in the real world. The economy and unemployment rates are major factors, as is the Generation Me belief that an individual should never have to suffer through an unhappy job or relationship. What it adds up to is a mass exodus—back to childhood bedrooms. But what happens to your love life when you move in with your parents?

strip club bachelor party

Why I Hated His Strip-Club Bachelor Party

The location of his party insinuated the need to have one last hurrah before we got married, and it offended me. Our marriage was supposed to be one long hurrah; something we looked forward to, not something from which we needed a reprieve. Sure it's idealistic, but if you can't afford some idealism the week before you get married, when can you? That was what it all boiled down to. The strip club wasn't the issue; it was the timing of the visit that bothered me.

michelle barack malia sasha obama

YourTango's Top Fathers Of 2009

In honor of Father's Day, we've collected the top 8 famous fathers who we think deserve recognition this year. These fathers juggle busy careers, love lives and the lives of their children with ease and grace. And most of them don't look half bad while doing it! Here's our list of the top famous fathers of the year (so far).

cowboy love

My Father Helped Me Rope My Cowboy

After dating and getting dumped, something was different with this guy, and I think Daddy knew. When Corley the cowboy called, my father answered and made a joke. When they met in person, Corley was quick-witted and Daddy was able to speak with him easily. I hadn't realized it, but this connection between my father and my man was what I had been looking for.

Good Dad And Loving Husband: Can I Be Both?

Good Dad And Loving Husband: Can I Be Both?

Becoming a father and stay-at-home dad puts a strain on a couple's marriage. "Even though we split many of the chores involved in caring for our son, my best energy, both physically and mentally, was going to our baby; my wife was getting the leftovers. She was understandably frustrated, but we both assumed it was just the natural process for a newborn. After a while, though, the position became untenable."

father daughter dating marriage

I Hope My Daughter Marries... Someone Like Me?

A father imagines his daughter's future boyfriends. "My elder daughter, who's 12, is just beginning to show an interest in boys, and since it's every man's dream to have his little princess marry a guy just like her father, I'm trying to craft a personal ad to attract the ideal candidate. Though my daughter's dating debut is 10 years down the line (at least), I find that I have a problem: I am horrified by the man I envision her with. Because, in reality, who the heck would date me? Then again, the kid could do worse..."

bride and bridesmaids

"Is It Open Bar?" 34 Thoughts We Have At Weddings

Weddings are inspirational: they rouse us to meditate on our own love stories, to feel our hearts swell as our friends find their life partners, and to wonder "When do we start drinking?" If thought bubbles could appear above the heads of wedding guests, here's what they might say.