Anyone who's heard the term "mommy wars" knows that being a working mom is a recipe for burnout. When you want to stop juggling a career and motherhood, the best solution might be to do a little bit less. Many employers are now accommodating of a job share. The key to job-sharing is coverage and communication at home and the office. Read more to find out how to find the flexibility you need to have it all and say goodbye to the career vs. family conundrum.
When you're married to a doctor, particularly a resident who has to be at the hospital all the time, you end up spending a lot of time alone. In this essay newlywed Rebecca Ascher-Walsh describes how she learned to accept her workaholic husband in all his over-achieving glory. "When my internist asked if I knew that marrying a doctor-in-training was a recipe for disaster, I laughed. What did he know of the power of young love? What he might have asked in return was: what did I know of my husband? And what, at 22, did I know of myself? For three years, I glimpsed him as he came in the door and headed to bed; when I prepared dinner to entice him en route, he would fall asleep, fork in hand. I was a married single person with none of the perks of either, and when it became clear— too many tears later—that there would always be a person who needed him more urgently than I did, we separated."
For the best advice on sex, love, dating and relationships we ask two experts with personal experience. Cathi Hanauer is the author, most recently, of Sweet Ruin, a novel about love, marriage, and adultery. Daniel Jones is the editor of both the "Modern Love" column for The New York Times, and Modern Love, an anthology derived from the column. They've been married for 15 years, and together they provide a his and hers take on relationship questions. This round: intelligence inequality. Question: I'm in a terrible quandary. I'm 32 and ready to settle down, and I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. The good news is the sex is great, he treats me like gold—and we went ring shopping a few weeks ago. But the bad news is that I fear we're not compatible intellectually. We don't read the same books, and don't share any of the same cultural reference points. Everyone keeps telling me that it's OK—even preferable—to have different interests from your spouse. But what if we end up with nothing to say to each other in five years? I don't want to marry the wrong man just to get married. –Gold Medalist
There has been a lot of conjecture about the prudence of waiting to have children. Some people think that young moms are best. That something about the mother's age matters from a biological standpoint. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine has new research that shows that older mothers are just as capable as young mothers when it comes to child raising.
Margaret Vangeli loved her job when she left the music business 10 years ago. And who would blame her? She ran the international departments of Polygram and Atlantic Records. But family health circumstances forced her to make a change. She was able to accommodate that change and start her own successful business. This led not only to career success but more time for family.
A reader writes in with a problem: His girlfriend wants to live in the country, and he wants to stay in the city. A suburban compromise won't do. Susan King gives advice.
Gail Sheehy; best-selling author and veteran political journalist has another accomplishment on her resume: a 20-year-old marriage‚Äîone with all the right moves. She reflects upon her the long and winding road of her relationship with her husband; Clay Felker.
How do you know if he's The One? The one you'll be with forever, the one you want to marry, your one true love? Do soul mates really exist? Professional matchmaker Rachel Greenwald investigates the search for Mr. Right. "How does anyone ever know who's right for them in the long run? Everywhere I go, I meet smug married couples who love to relate the moment they 'just knew' they'd found their life partners. As far as I'm concerned, it's revisionist history; if the marriage in question has worked out so far, they say they acted on their rock solid gut. But if it ended in divorce, they confess to earlier doubts. To be frank, I don't believe anyone can really know this kind of information for sure—and I speak not just from my college relationship, or from all my years as a dating coach, but from reflecting back on my own 1992 wedding."
A real-life monster-in-law is poisoning one reader's family ties. Susan King talks survival tactics for Mrs. Mama's Boy
For the best advice on sex, love, dating and relationships we ask two experts with personal experience. Cathi Hanauer is the author, most recently, of Sweet Ruin, a novel about love, marriage, and adultery. Daniel Jones is the editor of both the "Modern Love" column for The New York Times, and Modern Love, an anthology derived from the column. They've been married for 15 years, and together they provide a his and hers take on relationship questions. This round: staying close to an ex's family. Question: I'm in the midst of breaking up with my longtime boyfriend, and I'm extremely close to his mother. Realistically, I know that she and I probably can't be in each other's lives anymore, but that breaks my heart. What's my obligation to her as I end this relationship with her son? What can I expect from her going forward, if anything?–L.C., San Francisco, Calif.
Having a child irrevocably alters the balance of a partnership. The responsibility, time commitment and difficulty having baby is tough, no matter how strong your union; romance and sex after kids can be hard to accomplish. Although many couples decide the disruption is worth it, finding a new equilibrium can be challenging. Here, one mother comments on why she won't do it again. In her own words, "admitting that bringing a child into a relationship might ruin said relationship verges on the unpatriotic. Like most of us, I expect romance to survive marriage and committed cohabitation. I’m more dubious that it can survive raising a child."
An excerpt from Wall Street great Janet Hanson's book; "More Than 85 Broads;" about life after divorce for a workaholic. After she ended her 4-year marriage to a colleague, after realizing that they weren't in love, the Goldman Sachs banker decided to reevaluate her life. After that reflection, she realized she really could have it all with a little compromise.
Planning the wedding isn't the only stressful thing about getting married. Troubleshoot this exciting time so that you can walk down the aisle without any weight on your shoulders. Most brides are afraid to give in to their sadness and fear, thinking that once they turn on the faucet, it'll never shut off. In reality, emotions work the opposite way. What helps brides most is to embrace reality instead of remaining wedded to their fantasies.
Getting married or know someone getting married? Need a little help with a florist, DJ, photographer or something else? We've listed some of the best online resources to get you from engaged to your honeymoon. Inside you'll find sites with advice on gifting for charity, creating a personal wedding website, planning an inexpensive ceremony, DIY weddings registering for gifts, hiring limos, designer wedding gowns, local florists, bands, and wedding singers, unusual wedding ideas and more. Also check out the comments where YourTango users list their favorite online wedding planning solutions.
All of you would be wedding guests know that attending a wedding can be stressful. Wedding etiquette demands that your attention remain focused on the bride, but what about the pressure it puts on you and your budding relationship? Tango investigates. "Any bride will tell you—at great length—how stressful it is to plan a wedding. But what about the guests? Rarely does anyone acknowledge their pain. Every year there are around 2.2 million weddings in the United States, and roughly 300,000 weddings here in the U.K. Multiply that by the length of the average guest list—about 200, in both countries—to get a sense of just how many of us go through the familiar routine: pick main course, pick present, pick outfit, pick date. If you’re in a serious relationship, the last choice is already made for you, but you can still find yourself picking—at each other. The truth is that these lovely, sacred events—opportunities for voyeuristic romance and, hopefully, some amour of your own—often wreak havoc on relationships that are, shall we say, at the tipping point."