I started wearing glasses at a VERY young age, 3 years old to be exact. I vividly remember one bright day in Kindergarten when I got called “four-eyes” for the millionth time. My response? “you can call me names- but can’t you think of anything new?” The stunned and confused look on the name caller’s face was enough to let me know that what we say has power.
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Power to confuse, rile up, put-down, build-up, and so much more.
As I saw my Facebook wall fill up with links and reports of Rush Limbaugh calling a woman sharing her beliefs and viewpoint a “slut” that little kindergartner part of me popped again “can’t you think of anything new?”
I am getting really tired of a woman being judged, harassed, valued, devalued, or anything else based on her sexual status (or lack thereof). I have heard women be put down for being frigid, a slut, free, holier than though, prostitute, and many more insults.
I guess the question is: Can we Judge a Woman Based on Her Sexual Experience (or lack thereof)?
As a therapist who works with people in a very intimate setting, I can tell you that someone’s judgment of a person’s sexual activity often has more to do with the person judging, than it does the victim.
The truth is, there are people who have been attacked, assaulted, and abused who can learn to shut down from sex completely in order to feel safe and in control. I have also seen people who use sex as a way to try to grab their power back, feel in control, and safe. Neither usually work. Why? Because sex should never be about power and control.
Sex should be about joy, connection, intimacy, trust, fun, silliness, intensity, friendship, frustration, release, reconnection… well it should be used for just about anything other than power and control.
And yet, here it is again. Rush Limbaugh is trying to get power and control by using these silly names. In fact, a part of me didn’t even want to click on any links or talk about this issue? Why? Because I know that nowadays web traffic, discussion, and more has been used to increase people’s power- and I don’t believe that Rush Limbaugh has earned our ear or our eye with his old, used up, tired rant.
I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised to see the media storm turn into something that helps to possibly reduce his standing. I do not want to see his standing reduced because he does or does not have sex, his preferences, his number of sexual partners, or his number of marriages. I want to see it reduced because his comments are not based on sound data or fact.
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What is a slut? A prostitute? A frigid woman? I honestly don’t really know. All I know is that I am sick and tired of those words, and their focus on judging a woman by something that is none of their business. Keep the conversation on the facts please. And please, for the love of god- come up with something new!