Top 20 Tips For Online Dating Over 40

Welcome to Online Dating Bootcamp: Day 12! Today is all about online dating for the mature adult, featuring advice from YourTango Experts Sally Landau & Julianne Cantarella. (Wanna brush up on Bootcamp Days 1-11? Start here.)

Think that online dating is only for people in their twenties and thirties? Think again. Increasingly, the over-40 set is getting in on the action. But diving into online dating past a certain age can be overwhelming. Thankfully, our experts have put together 20 tips to make for a significantly smoother ride.

1. Get started. The first hurdle is to wrap your head around this new online dating adventure. After all, unless you work for the human resources department of a big company, where else are you going to meet as many eligible singles? Remember: all the good ones are not actually taken. They are online looking for you right now! —Sally Landau

2. Choose a site. Go ahead, Google dating sites, sit back and smile. There are so many. Some are free; some have fees. You will discover sites catering to certain age groups, specific ethnicities, religious faiths, gender preferences, educational levels and more, making it easy for you to find a comfortable fit. Get started. Choose one and sign up! —Sally Landau

3. Own your experience. You know yourself much better than you did 20 years ago, and you have a better idea of who you are and who you want in your life. Plus, you're less afraid to express both. Make a list of these qualities. It will come in handy when you write your profile. —Sally Landau

4. Keep your profile short and simple. In describing that ideal partner, keep it short and simple. When your list of expectations is too long, it begins to look like demands ... very challenging for others to fulfill, and likely to repel some great candidates. Be aware of your dealbreakers, but don't list them in your profile. —Sally Landau

5. Know your competition. Spend some quality time, maybe two hours, and look at your competition on that site. Notice what you like, and more so, what's repetitive and boring. Make sure your profile stands out from the rest. —Sally Landau

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6. Design your profile. Choose a screen name. It should be something that describes you, something others will find intriguing. Now write the profile. Keep it light, fun and happy. This is not your opportunity to drag out all your grievances with past relationships or talk about your tedious, venomous divorce. Be positive. Shine a light on your best qualities. —Sally Landau

7. Post photos. Photos should be current and show your full frame, a happy face, and allow the laugh lines dance around your eyes. Find your inner Gloria Swanson in her famous line from the film Sunset Boulevard, "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." —Sally Landau

8. Reach out. After you post your profile, go shopping for a date! Find people you like and write to them. Yes, this is for men and women. Reach out to people you find appealing. You can send them a safe e-mail within the dating site. Begin the conversation. —Sally Landau

9. Safety first. You may still think it's very weird meeting people you found online. There are precautions to take in the early stages. When they first meet you, they only know your screen name. It's perfectly acceptable, once you find yourself interested, to only tell them your first name. Keep your address, work place and phone number private in the beginning. Choose a place to meet that's convenient but not your favorite spot. Drive yourself, arrive early and decline any offers to be walked to your car. —Sally Landau

10. Hurry up. Remember: you're not looking for a penpal. So, exchange a few e-mails, then a brief phone chat and get to that face-to-face date as soon as possible. If there isn't chemistry between you and your online match, it's better to learn that right away. —Sally Landau

11. Be open and positive. We all know the old adage "you reap what you sow," and this is true for a dating situation as well. If you venture into online dating with a negative attitude, you are almost certain to have a negative experience. My most successful clients are those who are open and positive about online dating, so give it a try! —Julianne Cantarella

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12. Sieze the opportunity to find love. If anything, online dating provides you with an opportunity you would not otherwise have in your day-to-day life. Think about it: when do you come across 5 to 7five to seven single men or women in your daily travels? With online dating, just turn on your computer and there they are! —Julianne Cantarella

13. Align your expectations with your values. Clients often come to me with a laundry list of must-haves, but after processing, we usually determine what is most important in a loving, committed relationship. As it turns out, it's not about finding a man who is six feet tall, it's about finding a kind man who will love you, cherish you and make you a priority. —Julianne Cantarella

14. Be fearless. Getting back out there can be scary, but it can also be fun. Allow yourself to be scared, but don't get stuck. The only person you are hurting by not taking a chance is you! —Julianne Cantarella

15. Don't pursue immediate monogamy. This one is very tough for my singles over 40. I am not saying to be sexually involved with more than one person, but use online dating to your advantage. Start out slowly; date more than one person at a time because it increases your chances of connecting with the right one. —Julianne Cantarella

16. Present the best version of yourself. Your profile is your main marketing tool. Make sure you post a picture and complete your profile. Your photo determines 90% of your online dating success, so make sure the picture is clear, you are the only one in the picture and that it is recent. —Julianne Cantarella

Top 20 Tips For Online Dating Over 40

... featuring advice from YourTango Experts Sally Landau & Julianne Cantarella!

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