22 Ways Couples Can Overcome Infidelity

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22 Ways Couples Can Overcome Infidelity [EXPERT]
Learn how your relationship can pass even the toughest test.

13. Launch a better-than-ever relationship. Take a relationship education course that starts by helping you identify the weak areas in your relationship and then strengthens them for future happiness together. The stronger your skills for talking together about sensitive issues are, the less likely you will be to drift apart or to let anger rifts lead to resentment or fights. —Susan Heitler

14. Take turns listening even when it hurts. Make appointments for each of you to just listen to the other. The speaker should speak briefly and let the listener paraphrase what he or she heard. Often, the listener will hear only part of what is said. Repeat what was missed, and check before going on to the next point.  —Laurie Weiss

15. Tell the truth, as completely as you can. The unfaithful spouse can share the thoughts and feelings that led to the choices that were made. Doing this helps you both understand the underlying problems you face. The injured spouse can also acknowledge his or her contribution to creating the circumstances that led to the infidelity. —Laurie Weiss

16. Grieve together. Even if you choose to stay together, something has been irretrievably lost: your innocent belief that you would be true to each other and all that implied. Whatever you create from here will be different, hopefully better, but definitely different. Grieving helps you give up your past dreams to make room for your future. —Laurie Weiss

17. Recommit yourself to the relationship. Healing together is difficult, if not impossible, when one person has their foot out the door. If you want to stay together, act like you mean it. The betrayed partner is going to feel hurt, angry and emotional. The partner who strayed should allow this emotionality and validate it as being real by saying things like, "Of course you are feeling hurt, I messed up." The emotional fallout from infidelity can take years to heal. —Teresa Maples

18. Seek professional help. Look for a therapist who specializes in infidelity. There is a reason why the infidelity happened. Both of you need help to understand the underlying unmet needs, and how to heal from the breach in the relationship. If you knew how to fix your problems, you would have already done it. Instead, allow a professional to help you build a more mutually satisfying relationship. —Teresa Maples

19. Build trust. You can do this by having your actions match up with your words. If you say, "I love you," back it up with loving actions. If you say, "I want our couple-ship to work," stop all contact with the affair partner, and stick with it. There is nothing worse for your partner than to find out you are not being honest. —Teresa Maples

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Teresa Maples

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Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

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