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22 Ways Couples Can Overcome Infidelity

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22 Ways Couples Can Overcome Infidelity [EXPERT]
Use the infidelity as a platform to strengthen your relationship.
Learn how your relationship can pass even the toughest test.

6. Form a vision of the past and the future. One of the ways that couples can heal from infidelity is to think back to when they first met or got married. How did you fall in love? Why did you get married? What did the relationship look like back then? Now, think about the future you wanted together ... enjoying your golden years of retirement, traveling, playing with the grandchildren, enjoying family activities. What does that look like? Develop an image of these things and how nice it can be to share this with the person you love most — the person you married. —Michael Howard

7. Normalize your feelings. You are mad at your partner, but you're also experiencing painful thoughts about yourself. You wonder who you are and what you meant to your partner, or if you did anything to cause this, possibly doubting your attractiveness or self-worth. Reading books or blogs on the subject might help you see what is normal in reaction to discovering betrayal. —Julia Flood

8. Ask about the things you need to know. How long did this relationship last? Was it physical/sexual? What was the extent of the lies that were told in order to conceal it, and how much money was spent? Is there a risk of an STD or pregnancy?Julia Flood

9. Don't ask about the details you don't need to know. You may have the urge to push to learn the x-rated details of the sexual encounters or ask your partner to compare you to the person they had the affair with. My advice is: don't! Keep the focus on your relationship, not the affair partner. —Julia Flood

10. Postpone final decisions. It might take a long time to figure out what led to this crisis and where to go from here. Your first impulse is probably not the wisest. Try to postpone permanent decisions until you can think more clearly. —Julia Flood

11. Ride the initial shock wave. Allow an initial wave of shock, pain, fear and grief to build and then break, like a wave at the beach. Wait for this initial phase to pass before you attempt to figure out what to do in response to your new reality. Impulsive angry actions are likely to make a bad situation worse. —Susan Heitler

12. Immunize yourselves. As a couple, use the infidelity to immunize yourselves against repeat episodes. Looking back at what happened, identify and write a list of each step down the path to its occurrence. Then, write out what each of you wish you had done differently at each step, so that you will stay safe in similar future circumstances. —Susan Heitler

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Julia Flood

Counselor/Therapist

In my San Francisco practice I help couples in crisis break out of the vicious cycle of hurting and getting hurt. Call me at (415) 820-3210 or email me at julia@newstarttherapy.com. http://www.newstarttherapy.com

Location: San Francisco, CA
Credentials: LCSW
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues
Advanced Member

Teresa Maples

Counselor/Therapist

Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

If you have wondered about your relationship and yearned for something more intimate and fulfilling, sign up for my FREE Relationship Analysis. You will get relationship advice which will help you move you closer to your ideal.

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Location: Gig Harbor, WA
Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction
Advanced Member

Kevin Toney

Author

Kevin Toney

The Virtuous Man Breaking: Breaking The Men's Code

The Virtuous Man eBook

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Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Julia Flood, Teresa Maples, Kevin Toney:

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