Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of experts to you

When To Scream: "Stop The Wedding!"


Contributor
Love

Remember that You are more important than what others may think or say. This is Your life!

Getting ready for the "Big Day" is exciting, and nerve-racking. You want everything to be perfect on the day you will commit to spend the rest of your life with that one special person. Or at least that's how the tradition was intended; but with the divorce rates being announced in the media frequently, you know you really only have a 50/50 chance. Here might be why.

During this time of planning and preparation, and especially getting closer to the date, tensions build and the soon-to-be bride and groom begin to feel stress. It could be perfectionism coming out. It could be that they really can't afford the size wedding they've planned. Or it could be that they're not sure they're ready to commit to one person for the rest of their lives, even though they love the other. Whatever it is, stress is building in the couple.

There was a successful 30 year old woman whose fiancé broke out into a rage one week before the wedding. In the process, he broke a glass table top of a very large coffee table. Never having shown a violent side before, he did show it that day. She knew then she didn't want this, but still wondered what to do. People were coming from all over the United States to attend the wedding - plane tickets purchased. She decided to go through with it because she didn't want to inconvenience anyone or be embarrassed herself, and hoped it was a one-time thing.

Unfortunately, his violent outbursts and rages only got worse with time, until one day he actually tried to kill her. She beat herself up in her head many times because she knew that day, the week before the wedding, that she shouldn't go through with it. She saw what an immature decision she had made feeling that, at age 30, she should have known better than to not listen to her inner voice, just to appease accommodations that others had made for her "special day."

As we mature, we learn that some of our natural tendencies don't work in our relationships and we become more "civilized" and sophisticated in how we handle ourselves out in the world, in order to get along and move forward in business, etc. But one thing is sure, when people are under stress, they resort back to their real natural tendencies. This is not always pretty, as maybe you've seen if you ever caught an episode of Bridezilla. It's not pretty at all.

Some women are waiting for Groomzilla to air on the national networks. The ones that have learned, in hind sight, the 'live and learn' lesson that told them they should never have gone through with the wedding. Behaviors often show up during the period leading up to the wedding when the woman knows, deep down, that she should call it off. It doesn't have to be violence. It could be an emotional detachment or a run for extra attention from other women or a weird kind of bond with his mother, who doesn't really like you.

If you get that gut feeling, go with it. You're intuition is trying to save you from a more drawn out drama. You and your life are more important than saving yourself the embarrassment of what others may think or say. Forget about it. When the right person does come along, if no-one wants to come because you called off the first one, so be it. It really only matters that you and your partner are there - and two witnesses, of course.

If you find yourself in a situation where you could use support in making the best choice for you, ckeck out an HOUR OF POWER! for coaching on interpreting your own intuition and processing that through critical thought.

Author

Contributor

From our Partners

Explore YourTango

MOST POPULAR